Rough Week

I have been in a funk all week. I wasn't sure why. I just haven't felt normal-really I was feeling about half crazy. Most things annoyed me and I felt like I could cry at the drop of a hat. Still could, really, but that is a whole other post. Usually shopping makes me feel better. Last night, Michael and I went and looked at bedding (for the new bed that hasn't been ordered yet). We spent a small fortune on sheets, blankets, shams, etc. The lady kept trying to get us to buy decorative pills and I kept saying no, because I don't even make my bed. Then we made another family purchase. The bleh feeling didn't subside. When we got home family came and that was a little better- I felt myself smile for the first time today. Later as Michael and I were talking about our new bedding, I realized it is much like our old bedding- so it is likely going back!

There are many reasons to be have experienced a bleh week.

We are half way through summer- so the boredom blues may be starting to hit.

Michael's dad was put in the hospital again-admitted through ER due to a drastic bleed, which turned out to stop itself...and he was released Friday- Praise God!

The plans for ordering new office equipment had to be put on hold due to the "holds" on the insurance money. So, I will be leaving before that happens.

Our vacation plans may be changing due to Mike's recent hospitalization.

Really? I asked myself this morning...truthfully, those kinds of reasons happen every week around here. Plans change and few things go my way. But I never feel like this. It could be the new birth control that I started, but...ah maybe a little.

Truthfully, I think it is a deep in my soul revealing of what this week is. I hadn't really thought about it...But Monday-the 22st would have been the 1 year birthday of our lost baby. If she had been born on schedule. Now I can't even remember really- the 15th, the 22nd- it doesn't really matter. All I know is that the dates passed with no connection. Hidden below is a counter it has been since we lost her. I usually ignore it, but I glanced at it the other day. 1 year and 7 months. A lifetime ago really. That dream is gone. Now we face the reality of another possiblity in a couple weeks. I am hopeful but not too confident. I guess I am trying not to be too confident because I don't want to experience the heartbreak again. If I think it won't work and it doens't-it hurts less.

I don't want to live with that attitude. I want to be confident in my God that he will bestoy a blessing. We have a plan. He has a blessing. That should be enough. I pray that it will be for today. And we can start again tomorrow.

Please join me in praying for this new plan. Currently, we are scheduled to start shots on July 27 making the corresponding due date in May- that is perfect! I am praying this is God's plan.