word of the year

In 2009 I named the year- SHINE.  That's what I wanted to do. Shine for Jesus and shine before all men.  I wanted to be the light in others' darkness to help them find the true light.  It was a good year.  I learned a lot. I shined a lot.  It worked.

As 2010 approached I was caught up in me.  I didn't take the time to even consider a word.  I was too busy preparing and praying and getting myself ready for the twins to arrive and for our family to change.   In April, we welcomed the twins and our friends welcomed Lily and then I began to pray more than ever before.  In August, Lily earned her wings and entered heaven's gates.  I became weary in my prayers- and saw a big difference in my life.  So without a formal naming of 2010, I will call it the Year of Prayer.

As 2011 approaches, I feel worn out- working mom of  a 5 1/2 year old and (almost) 9 month old twins, wife, daughter, sister, friend.  I feel like their is never enough of me or my skills to go around- not enough time or energy.  I get unsatisfied with the way the day ends- melt into my bed while reading books to my oldest dreaming of the 101 things left to accomplish.  We haven't been as diligent about teaching our family to be Christ-like and right now I feel far from it myself- snapping at children, bossing my husband around, secret disappointments hiding in my heart, building into bitterness.  I want more of me, more of them- I want to connect with my Maker, my husband, my family, my friends.  I need portion control.  So, in my quest for a word I consider- depend, conquest, grace, joy, humility, change, patience, attend, yield, simplify, being, portion, pursue... all good words.  So I think my word for the year will be connecting.
This year I want to connect with the people that I say are important to me and the God who is bigger and more deserving of worship than all the rest.

My goal and my aim:

to live passionately,

to walk purposefully,

to be authentic, and

pursue Christ for all that he’s worth.

lost letters

October 7, 2004

Dear Great-Grandma,
I hope your ankle is feeling better.  Mom has been sharing Grandma Irene's letters with me.  Well school has almost flown by.  Next week will be the last full week before report cards go out.  I'm teaching 3-9th grade classes, 2-7th grade classes and an 8th grade class.  Well, I have finished my shot treatment and went back to the doctor last month.  They are giving me birth control to put the estrogen back in my body.  Next month, I will begin giving myself Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) shots daily to help me ovulate so I can get pregnant.  The doctor said everything looks good.  Originally we thought insurance wouldn't cover the expense of $3500 a month, but since then we found out our cost will be considerably less.  Michal and I are very excited about this next phase.  
We have started going back to the church we were married in.  A few weeks ago we went to a "discovery" class and so we will become members on October 23.  
Last week we (Brooke, Jessica, Mom and I) went to Oklahoma City to try on bridesmaid dresses for Jessica's wedding.  That was very fun.  I even tried on a maternity dress since I could be about 5 months pregnant in May.
Michael's work is going well.  He is the drive-in supervisor and is attending supervisor school at Vo-Tech.  He is learning some interesting ideas.
Next week, I have to go to Tulsa for 2 days, so I can attend Autism training.  I'm excited about the training, but it is so hard getting ready for being gone.  Well, not much else to say.  I hope you and Grandma do well.  Please be careful, so you don't hurt yourself this winter.  
We love You!

Love, 
Amy (&Michael)

I was working on a project for our home-group couples this morning and came across this letter. It was hand- written on beautiful paper, sealed and ready to send- with the exception of the street address.  It was never sent.  In the previous 6 months my Grandpa Mantle had passed away and little did I know that a mere 10 months later (almost exactly), she would be gone too.  I know that in next 10 months that she lived we talked or wrote several times- we even spent time together at my sister's wedding.  But, she never did learn of the birth of my daughter, Evelyn.  She has never seen her picture and heard her name spoken by me.  I didn't call her because she was so sick after Evy was born and she went to be with the Lord when we came home from the hospital.  I didn't attend her funeral, a decision I regret deeply.

As it is sad to know she is no longer here to share my accomplishments and daily activities, I am thankful to be reminded of how far my life has come since October 2004.  The tough journey of infertility was conquered and I have 3 living, breathing, beautiful children and one angel in heaven- probably hearing Old Grandma sing "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."  I have moved to a different area of teaching, but now am using the training I was preparing to attend.  In the area of church, I have served in various capacities including education planning committee, Sunday school teacher, Kids Konnection coordinator, nursery worker, and now home-group leader.  Since then Michael and I have purchased two businesses and merged them creating A+ Answering Service and Michael is the big boss! (putting that supervisor training to good use)  I laughed when I read about trying on the dresses and remembered how much fun we had- little did we know that I would indeed be 5/6 months pregnant at the wedding.

I am thankful for that little lost letter- and I am reminded that I should be taking more time to connect with my living Grandparents and friends.  This past year has been full of heartbreak for families who have lost relatives.  I think of many who have lost daughters, fathers, wives and husbands.  We never know what tomorrow will bring.  I think we should be living more like today may be the last!  Oh, how that will change my life and probably yours too!

Merry Christmas

 

We celebrated the birth of Jesus this week.  It was interesting preparing for Christmas with 3 children.  I am way more respectful of my parents getting around and making sure everyone had equal presents.  The twins are into everything and I had hoped they would love to rip open paper- but as everyone told me...they liked the boxes and bows better. It was great to celebrate with both our families- even though most of my clan felt sick.  We ended up leaving early from my sisters to sleep in our own beds earlier than we had planned.  

I hope everyone enjoyed a MERRY CHRISTMAS and are looking forward to a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

{eight months}

Oh, darlings.

You are eight months old and you are so much fun!
Here's a quick list of what you've been up to this past month:

Madelyn

You started pulling yourself up on anything
and exploring/grabbing/nabbing everything.
Nothing is out of your reach anymore.

Everything goes into your mouth,
which is forcing me to vacuum a little more frequently.
I have become a pro at digging things out of those cheeks of yours.

You are crawling everywhere.
You scoot ahead half walking half crawling.
It works because you can get yourself across the room pretty fast.
You are even starting to explore cruising furniture...won't be long and you'll be running.


Jackson
You are so curious.
You have to check everything out,
which often leads to a bump or bruise.

You mastered crawling first- even the stairs are
no match for you. You love climbing up onto things,
which often leads to another bump or bruise.

You talk and pound your hands a lot.
Dada and Mama are your favorite words to say.
You love to play and make people laugh.

You both still don't have teeth but love to eat.
Cheerios and banana yogurt are your favorites.

You got your first tummy bug and fevers this month.
You braved the long car ride to St. Louis and enjoyed your first vacation.

You're growing and changing and loving and delighting!
Happy eight months, sweet babies!

Weekend Recap

This weekend we went to St. Louis to visit my family and attend my cousin's wedding. It was a lot of fun. The drive took about 10+ hours to complete with a good number of stops for restroom breaks/diaper changes and stretching. We were able to steal some time and go visit the arch. The walk to the arch was beautiful- but cold. We were able to see some pretty cool buildings. We wish we could have taken time to go through the museaum, but we needed to get back to the hotel to eat and get changed before the wedding.







The hero of the day award goes to my wonderful, amazing and more-obsrvant-than-I-give-him-credit-for husband who realized that Evy's blanket got left and went back to the hotel to pick it up- long story short is that we had a free hotel room from Michael's birthday and it couldn't be used at the same place as the reception- so we stayed in two different hotels- 15 miles apart.

We had a good time at the wedding. We stuffed the babies with "snacks" so they didn't mind sitting for 50 minutes being quiet. It was fun to watch Ryan and his parents and Stephanie and her parents during the event. The pastor also had some good things to say about marriage. After almost 12 years...Michael and I still have a few things to learn. Madelyn refused to nap between wedding and reception- so she slept through it. Michael took the babies and Evy back to the room for a "pizza party" and I stayed to visit. We met a meterologist from the St. Louis news and he had some interesting questions about tornados...I guess Oklahomans are considered experts?




Another 10 hours back with an hour stop in Tulsa and we were home. But...Jackson puked in the car as we turned the corner on to our street. I was hoping for motion sickness, but several outfits later and a high fever- we were dealing with a stomach bug. I spent Monday and Tuesday changing diapers and cleaning up sick kids. I am thankful so far that Madelyn has not puked or got the yucky diapers and is just running a fever. I am also very thankful for this to be a bug rather than an issue related to his hydrocele which would require emergency surgery.

So a great weekend ended with not so great circumstances but I am so thankful for the opportunity to go spend some time with my grandma, uncle and family.

It goes like this...

In August, for a couple weeks- both babies slept through the night (STTN). I was so excited. School was starting and I was getting some much needed rest. Evy never really STTN until like 18+months, so this was cool. Then they got a cold right as school started. They quit sttn. We have battled 4-6 wake ups between them each night. They scream and aren't really comforted until they drink milk. Nutritionally, they aren't suppose to "need" bottles in the middle of the night now. They won't take their pacifier anymore, so they get a bottle and more sleep.

For the last few nights, Jackson hasn't cried much or needed a bottle during the night and Madelyn has only had 1 (about 3am) instead of 2. I can see that we might be crossing over again to sttn. This bit of news is more exciting because I will no longer be living in sin- being jealous of several "new" moms who have bragged that their little guys are sttn at like 6 weeks- ugh! Anyway, I am not getting my hopes up because we will be heading to St. Louis at the end of the week for a wedding. There will be hours in the car, hotels rooms with 6 people in them, new folks to meet, ruined routines and most of all an interruption in sttn.

My prayers (and hopefully yours too) will be that they will be uninterrupted by this trip and will continue to be their happy, unsick selves, who are sleeping through the night.

Moms of multiples are freaks of nature

This is sometimes what it feels like to be me...although I definitely could add a few lines.

Thankful heart!

Thanksgiving has come and gone. It still doesn't seem like it should be the holidays already. Can you believe the day passed without one single picture of the family? I got up early and got the turkey cooking. Then later started the rest of the dinner, only to dash out to Michael's grandma's house. We returned with sleeping children and ate our own dinner. The babies nashed on leftovers from other people and were like begging puppies anytime a turkey plate was fixed. I have a couple videos of them playing but none of Thanksgiving dinner. I am thinking recreation is in store!

Things were a little different around here. My sisters were gone. We didn't have our usually family game time- no cards or "Apples to Apples" was played. No walks to the park because it was just to chilly. In fact- most of the family slept the afternoon/evening away. It seemed calm and relaxing but not normal. Michael worked overnight and so I managed all the night baby wake ups on my own and Evy slept in my bed with me. I got up early Friday morning- but not to brave the shopping crowds. I had planned to brave the black Friday crowds, but it was too frigid to go outside with the twins. Besides, shopping with the twins is never quick and easy. I just started working on sewing projects and spent time with family. It was different, but good.

I had a few reminders of past Thanksgiving and felt a little sad about losing our baby Autumn. It is always mixed good and not so good. I remember that 12 years ago Thanksgiving morn (really, really, really morn- like 1:30am) Michael proposed to me. We have spent the last 12 years loving each other and living life. I am so thankful he has been there in the good and the bad, in sickness and in health- and I hope he still plans on sticking it out until death may part us. My parents celebrate their 36th wedding anniversary on the 27th. What a treasure! I definitely have a thankful heart and many, many, many blessings.

Are we rushing it?

Since they don't make drive through baby food stores, I had to go to a real store last night for oatmeal. The babies were on their way to sleep, so Evy and I headed to Walmart- since they have cheaper food. I walked in with the normal hustle and bustle, realizing my choice of clothing didn't match God's choice of weather. I headed up an aisle and noticed pies- pecan, pumpkin, Paula Dean- I thought of snagging one for Turkey day and noticed they expired before the 25th- so I passed.

As we headed on toward the baby food section and I continued to notice holiday preparations- fudge kits, chocolate chips, marshmallows. Clerks are making it easier to shop- even pairing sweet potatoes, marshmallows and brown sugar in one display. We got our baby foods- a quick peek at the craft section, a quicker look for clearance clothes and headed over to the children's medicine section.

As I walked I heard Christmas music- I hadn't really noticed until then...then I saw Christmas decorations in the front of the store- cupcake papers, ornaments, cookie cutters, tins for decorating...on display right in the front! The dishes section- which last week held beautiful leaf shapes dishes in golds, greens and reds, were replaced with red and white dishes proclaiming "peace on earth" Suddenly, I felt a little panicky...with only a couple gifts bought, I was nervous about how it was all going to get done in time. Then I realized it was over a month away.

Are we rushing it? I am all about celebrating our Savior's birth, celebrating traditions and teaching my children about the joy of giving, but something is missing. I felt like we were skipping the important part- the need to give Thanks. As a society we should be so thankful for our many, many, MANY blessings. I could run down the statics on how we are the wealthiest nation, have the most of everything- but frankly you have heard them- and I don't have time! I feel like we need a lesson on stopping and savoring what is in front of us. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. I know a soldier will die, people will hurt, people will lose jobs, cancer will win with someone, friends will disappoint you, children will be sick, bills will be due, and a plethora of negative circumstances will avail.

"Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 1 Thes. 5:18

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they (A)may have life, and have it abundantly. John 10:10 (New American Standard Bible)

There you have it...The thief is stealing our season! It is time to be thankful in everything. Paul simply says very directly, "In everything give thanks." No exceptions, no excuses, nothing is outside those parameters, in everything give thanks. That little phrase enpante in the Greek means in connection with everything that occurs...in connection with everything in life give thanks no matter what it might be, with obvious exceptions of personal sin. He is saying no matter what happens to you in life, be thankful. No matter lot, no matter what circumstance, no matter what struggle, vicissitude, trial, testing, be thankful, give thanks. No matter what the situation we are to find reason to thank God. This is not some nebulous thanks fired off into space, it is a thanks given directly to God.

Let's take some time to be Thankful!

The smell of clean babies...

Isn't funny how smells spark memories? This morning I used baby soap in the shower and was flooded with memories of nurses handing me 6lb clean "burrito" babies in the middle of the night last April. I savored the memories of my ity, bity babies for a few seconds. The Bible tells us to pray continually and I have learned to use memories or situations to say little prayers for people. The memories of today sparked several prayers.

Generally, people fall into four stages when it comes to babies- they want babies, they are pregnant, they just had a baby or they have lost a baby. I know ladies who fit in all 4 categories. The thought of my little babies this morning sparked a prayer for a new mom who just had a baby girl about 36 hours ago. Then I thought of another lady who had recently shared her her desire and struggle with ttc and her losses. I said a prayer for her. Then I thought of moms who are currently pregnant and lifted a few prayers for them. Another dear friend popped into my mind whose daughter went to be with the Lord a few short months ago and I said a prayer for her.

Truthfully, I have struggled lately in the area of prayer in regards to confidence. I felt that my prayers didn't matter much. In the summer months, I spent many hours rocking babies and praying for my friend. I had prayed for her during her struggles to get pregnant, during times of miscarriage, during her pregnancy, when complications arose surrounding her pregnancy and after the birth of her daughter. I poured my heart out to God in each of those situations and he answered prayers. My will was that her sweet baby would live, His was that she would live with Him. For a while, I have felt like my prayers didn't do much regarding Lily's life. Maybe I didn't pray enough, maybe they were not heard because they didn't come from a "righteous man". I don't feel like the time was wasted, it just didn't matter much. Gods will was his will. Period. Then I was reminded by another prayer warrior that it was an honor to pray for Lily. Then I saw the lie. The Satan lie. The prayers did matter- and there were answers.

They were answered when Lily lived for 103 days.
They were answered when the she woke from surgery.
They were answered when she was able to drink from a bottle and breath a few breaths of oxygen unassisted.
They were answered when she left the hospital to go home with her parents.
Many were answered...Period. God's will was that she would live with Him.

As I type this morning, I am seeing the way the snake wrapped himself up in my life- my prayer life was squeezed out. I am seeing some repercussions of this lie in other areas of life. I have some work to do...and some prayers to pray! Thank You Lord that you exposed that lie to me all because of a memory and a journal entry. Isn't funny how smells spark memories?

Stream of Consciousness

I can't believe the twins are 7 months. I was planning to take their pictures playing in the leaves but the rain on Friday ruined that. I will have to do it this week, once everything dries out. All three kids have been full of energy as they are starting to feel better again. Evy colored her hand green while I was in the den watching TV- think Shrek green- because she wanted me to say "oh, no, go wash your hands and see if it comes off" Then she colored the other one, because I didn't react. So I called her Shrek and it hurt her heart. I was sorry. Jackson is really on the move- he tried to take a couple steps cruising the table and fell and bruised his forehead- he was pretty upset about it and was cranky the rest of last night.

My foot is really hurting again- I have resorted to using the big black boot- which makes it feel so much better. I have been taking the pain pills again, but only have 3 left- so I guess I will have to just live with it.

I am getting excited for Christmas, but have been trying to figure out what to get everyone on a *tight* budget. Our trip to St. Louis will take some of the extra money we had to spend- but will be so worth it to see everyone for Ryan's wedding. It is just a few weeks away. I can't wait to see Grandma and Uncle Bud and Aunt Donna, but am not looking forward to the 8+ hour drive with the babies. They are finally liking the carseats better so that is a plus.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner- so hard to believe- I kind of feel like this dark cloud lurks around that day after our pregnancy loss a couple years back. Seems to hit me harder every year that passes. I have moved on, grieved that loss, and have such joy about the abundant blessings we have- I am so thankful for all my children, but I just want that hurt to go away. It also makes me sad that so many others have had significant losses- found out this week a lady at church has lost three and another friend is pregnant- praying for a healthy baby for her. Then my thoughts flash back to the abundant prayers said for Lilian and the feeling that in the end it didn't really matter had fervently or righteous my prayers were. God's will is God's will. But I am still praying for her and believing by faith that God's will is for her to have a healthy child.

Oh...that might be a little to deep for some of you-- sorry. It is just were my heart has been lately- heavy and a little sad. My time with God this morning was centered around 1 Cor. chapter 3 where Paul talks about planting the seed and how God makes it grow. The truth is...it all goes back to God.

This is what I found the other night when I went in to check on a crying baby. Madelyn (who is recently mobile) was standing up in her bed. Last night, I lowered her bed, for fear her head would propel her over the side.

I am sure it is about to get really interesting around our house!

Halloween 2010

Say Hello to Little Bo Peep and her little sheep. We had a great time on Halloween. Cori and my sisters and BIL were all here and it a blast- no sister fights- even did some crafting. We all dressed up as "nerds" and Cori was Jasmine.


The last few weeks have been busy. Jackson is crawling and pulling up. Madelyn is crawling now too. They both have a yucky cold that won't shake, so we have had a couple of cranky little ones. I am hoping that this might be the last of it for a while, but since everyone seems to share germs...it is not likely.

My Lil Pumpkins

A time honored tradition at our house (at least in my mind) is a yearly trip to the pumpkin patch as the leaves begin to turn. I love fall. I love all things that go with fall...so hayrides and pumpkin patches are on the top of the list.

When Evy was a baby, we (me and my friend Kay) carved the insides out of a pumpkin, lined it with plastic wrap and put her inside the pumpkin and took pictures. These pictures are some of my favorites. However, she was only about 3 months old at the time.

Last Friday evening, Michael and I (and Evy) took the babies to the pumpkin patch. It was fun for Evy to pick out pumpkins and we took several pictures. It wasn't the awesome photo shoot I was aiming for, but it was fun non the less.
/>
/>
/>
/>

A long time coming...

For those of you who are caring followers of my blog, I want to apologize for being a bad blogger. Once school started, I sort of lost my mojo. I have been busy teaching, raising three kids, cleaning and seeking the Lord. I have spent many days exhausted, but SO very blessed by these kids.

It is still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that we have three kids. Twins aren't easy and I have felt frustrated at how difficult it is to accomplish simple tasks with two babies. I have simply had to give it up and focus on what is important- the family. I have so much to tell, but not enough hours in the day to get everything done.

So...the twins are 6 months old and we just had Evy's first parent-teacher conference of kindergarten last week.

Madelyn now weighs 17lbs 2oz and is 26 3/4 inches long. Jackson slightly behind her (for the first time ever at 16lbs 13 oz and 26 1/2 inches long. Their head are both 17cm.

Tonight I hope to take them to the pumpkin path and get their 6 month pictures.

I also hope to start taking time to blog more...it is my release and I have been ignoring it for the last 75 days.

Starting to really try...

After the babies were born, I dropped an impressive 47lbs. I was at my lowest weight in years. Then I broke the foot. Coupled with the high fat, high calcium milk and lack of exercise, I have gained back about 10lbs. I plan to really try to lose that 10lbs before kids start school. I have 24 days to do it. This will be done by eating right (counting points with WW) and working out. I plan to walk at the mall, plus add in some at home workout videos. Michael is going to do it with me, he just doesn't know it yet. I had started this endevour a couple weeks ago- we were walking almost ever night. It is much easier to go to the mall then to the gym and put the kids in daycare with people we don't know...plus I think we are dropping our membership to save some cash. So, I plan to start tomorrow. I have a new blog...Drop that Cupcake for those of you interested in my food journals, exercise log and general feeling about my goal. In a few short weeks the twins will start eating foods. I want to be making better choices, so they can follow in my footsteps and eat good-for-them-foods.

True Story!

For the past few days I have been working very hard to rid my house of clutter and clean. Truthfully, it was bad since I hadn't cleaned well since I was pregnant. There are plenty of excuses- 1st trimester- didn't want to touch the chemicals or smell them. 2nd trimester- too tired, 3rd trimester- to sick and big to even consider it...also super tired. So now the babies are a little more self soothing, so I have been able to get it down. My house (may I brag a bit) looks pretty good.

Yesterday, I borrowed a few more tools to aid in the cleaning. A Hoover Floormate from my friend MZ (and yes, I may be in love with this floor cleaner) and a carpet shampooer from AM. I was hoping to get the floors spotless before Evy's party on Sat. So these ladies offered to drop off their cleaning tools and I was happy that I didn't have to get the kids out in the heat. So, both happened to be here at the same time...we all work together (and mom too) so we were catching up a bit.

Evy was playing with AM's daughter and nephew and having a loud amount of fun. When she came trotting out of her room with a dead mouse dangling from her fingers. "Look, Mom! I found a rat" she said. I was absolutely mortified...I mean beyond embarrassment. I asked her to drop it and wash her hands. I then proceeded to pick it up with some towels. Awesome, just awesome!! I had worked my tail off cleaning only for my oldest to find a dead mouse in her bedroom closet. We leave near a creek/drainage ditch and always fight a few mice each year.
I however would prefer that we discover them when company is NOT present.

It feels like Saturday

This Monday morning feels much like a Saturday to me. You see, I spent my Saturday morning rushing around to get out of town- spent a hot day with my family~ AWESOME!!!!~ and then came home to get semi-night sleep and head to church in the morning. I was asked to read and for some reason was a little nervous. I read a passage very close to my heart- Psalm 91- and talked a little about Michael and I's will of God. It seemed disconnected to me, but hopefully others thought it was put together.

So now my husband is laying in bed- not at work this fine Monday- because he fed the children while I slept...so today feels like a Saturday. I have enough work around here for it to be a Saturday and so I think I will get started.

I happened upon flylady's website again. She is a cleaning master and I might just strive to be like her. So...here is the plan for the next few days. It's all about baby steps...a little everyday. Hopefully, Michael and I can work together and get it accomplished faster.

I got a late start on the "zone" cleaning...but I am going to start with Zone 1 and do the 15 minutes a day of decluttering.

FlyLady's Detailed Cleaning List - Zone 1: The
Entrance, Front Porch, and Dining Room
This is my detailed cleaning list for Zone 1. Ensure you adapt it to fit your
home and family. If you are still decluttering, you are not ready for this
whole list, concentrate on decluttering only! BabySteps! - FlyLady
Entrance Detailed Cleaning List:
Start at the ceiling and work your way down to the floor.
1. Clean cobwebs
2. Dust window sills and front door
3. Clean switch plate of hand prints and walls if needed
4. Put plants in to the shower and give them a good rinse. Let me set
there until you are finished.
5. Dust furniture
6. Dust baseboards
7. Straighten the coat closest
8. Sweep vacuum or mop the floor
9. Put back the plants. You would hate for DH to walk into a jungle
tomorrow morning. LOL
10. Add your own personal touches to make it more welcoming.

Dining Room Detailed Cleaning List
Start at the ceiling and work your way down to the floor.
1. Clean the cobwebs
2. Dust window sills
3. Clean the window
4. Clean doors of china cabinet after you straighten dishes if they
need done. Dust
5. Clean and straighten any drawer
6. Clean off top of Dining table and Polish
7. Rinse plants in the shower
8. Dust the bottoms of the chairs.
9. Dust the baseboards
10. Move furniture and vacuum underneath (except the china cabinet)
I turned mine over one time. It was not funny.
11. Add your own personal touches to the table (table cloth, pretty
bowl, flowers)

Front Porch Detailed cleaning.
1. Sweep down cobweb and spider webs (In the summer, I leave
them. I feed the spiders too LOL.)
2. Sweep off porch furniture.
3. Sweep the porch.
4. Throw away any dead plants.
5. Prune back unruly bushes from the entrance.
6. Repot planters if necessary (in summer)
7. Refill bird feeders.
8. Wipe off tables, banisters, and light fixtures.
9. Get rid of unwanted items.
10. Add your own personal touches to welcome friends and family
(wreath, welcome mat, bell)

3 months.... already????

Madelyn is at least 12lbs now. She is smiling but is withholding laughter- guess she hasn't found anything too funny yet. She can lift her head but is a little lazy during tummy time--not many mini-push ups for her. She puts everything in her mouth and likes toys. She has several she likes to hold and will bat at them in the bouncy chair. She is a mommy's girl and is usually the one crying. She recognizes faces and will make a sweet "ahh" sound when I walk near her. She is starting to "talk" by cooing and gurgling. She makes bubbles with her mouth. She is constantly spitting up and spends most of her day in a bib (or several) and takes Zantac twice a day.

Jackson has finally found his voice. He has learned the crying usually equals being held. He was the first to sleep through the night and does it almost 90% of the time. He definitely likes to talk and has made sounds similar to "hi" and "mama" He also mimics mouth movement when someone is talking to him. He likes to sit up and look around. During tummy time he tries to scoot around on the mat. He isn't too into toys but will kick at toys in the bouncer chair. He seems to be cutting some teeth. He can roll from tummy to back and sleeps on his tummy. He likes to bear weight on his feet and will take "steps".

The Fourth...a few days later.

It seems like my life runs a few days late. We have things that we are on time for, but most of the time I am running late and picking up behind me. So...in honor of my lateness let me say....
THANK YOU to the men and women who are in, were or will be in the military to fight for our freedoms...thank you to those who braved the high seas to establish the land we now call the USA. Your journey was dangerous, scary and allows us to be FREE.




Thank You!!!

New vs. Old

I laid in my bed this morning after being up for two + hours with the babies thinking about the differences between myself (and others) as a new mom and the mom I am now~the second time around.

So we have some new vs. old school comparisons going on...

NM: checks on her baby in the crib when the slightest noise is made often up several times in a 15 minute period
OS: when she hears noises, she closes her eyes, prays that they will go back to sleep and doesn't move unless screaming and crying ensues.

NM: sleeps the baby on the back or side religiously- will move the baby (and possibly wake) in order to put on the back. No animals, soft blankets or other potentially harmful objects are within 5 feet of crib.
OS: baby may sleep on stomach and several objects are at the other end of the bed for the baby to look at as they drift to sleep.

NM: the opinions and recommendations from the doctor are like the book of Leviticus in the old testaments...they are taken seriously and followed to the letter of the law.
OS: listens to the doctor, knows what is important for him to know (and what isn't) and uses his advice accordingly.

NM: changes baby within seconds of spit up, urine or BM touching clothes- even if only a spot the size of a dime.
OS: calculates the number of square inches and placement of the wetness before adding to the laundry pile....BM still gets changed.

NM: marvels in her baby's beauty...snaps thousands of pictures-and downloads them to her computer- shares them and prints them off.
OS: marvels in her babies beauty...takes less than hundreds of pictures- downloads them to her computer-shares them on Facebook- doesn't print as many-usually when asked by a family member or friend.

NM: has piles of laundry, floors to be swept, bathrooms to be clean- is super tired from all the getting up and learns a new level of clean (either less than expected BC or much cleaner than BC) could potentially clean in the middle of night while the baby is fussy.
OS: has a schedule of when to complete household tasks...has figured out how to get older children to pitch in (now that they can) and may hire someone to do some of the tasks.

NM: takes the baby on normal everyday errands- may go walk at mall, meet a friend at the coffee shop and maintains and normal routine.
OS: decides what is absolutely necessary to complete and if the errand is worth the hassle of loading and unloading all three children.

NM: baby is dressed to the nines...cute matching outfits complete with hats/bows and shoes. Mom shops for baby frequently buying many cute outfits. This includes cute sleeping outfits. This baby has so many new clothes they may not be able to wear them all.
OS: kids are dressed at least by the afternoon, definitely cute outfits for church and other special gatherings. Before purchasing new outfits mom decides how long and how many times baby will actually wear the new outfits...price is considered and many things are purchased second hand. Boys may wear older sister's pink sleeper-after all who is going to know in the middle of the night.

NM: teaches baby sign and is excited for her baby to talk and walk as soon as possible...often regrets the walking part ad maybe the talking part too. Wants her child to follow the books of development and checks frequently. She is amazed by the personality those little people already show.
OS: knows that communicating is important. She wants this to happen in the appropriate time with no delays, but is definitely enjoying her baby in the baby stage and not wishing the time away. She is excited to see the differences in babies and enjoys each one individually.

NM: devotes all her attention to her baby-may neglect self, friendships and marriage until finding a good balance
OS: divides attention between all children, giving each one what they need, trying to be fair and equal- knows the importance of devoting attention to self, friends and husband in addition to all her children.

Each mom loves and cherishes the time with her children and is so thankful that God trusted them to be the Mom of these precious lives.

All thru the night

I am sure this is a fluke and writing about it will just jinx it...but lately (at least the last 4 of 7 days) Jackson has slept all through the night. Maddy contributed yesterday as well- . It was so nice to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. I still awoke at the normal feeding time, just thinking that my dear sweet husband was taking care of it. He, on the other hand, was asleep in the chair in the den. Last night Maddy awoke at her normal time, but Jackson stayed sleeping. Hopefully we are moving toward "all thru the night" sleeping. Fingers Crossed.


oh and for those of you not on facebook...here is my lasted picture creation.

The faces of Jackson

This and That

The babies appt went well. Madelyn weighed 11.01 and Jackson weighed 11.06! They got three shots and did remarkably well- just a few seconds of crying and it was over. Jackson had a fever the rest of the night and Maddy didn't act as if anything had happened. Since then we have been busy with pretty full days. They have started sleeping much more and that really helps.

This weekend Michael had to work, so I took mom to a few garage sales. I got a box load of clothes for Jackson and Evy. Thanks Traci and Amy for having such great taste in clothes. I also bought some Hanna Andersson pilot hats for the twins and bid on a lot of clothes and hat and won for 99 cents.

Jackson has an appt with the pedatric urologist in Tulsa in a couple weeks and we will know more about his condition at that time. I am pretty sure that surgery will follow before the end of the summer- but I am praying not.

Oh...and I am in the sexy black boot for another 3 weeks. Yeah Me!!!
I will post more pictures soon

My housework has been neglected lately as my little ones have learned how to seek attention- C-R-Y! We were use to Madelyn doing this- she has been the attention seeking child from the very beginning, however, Jackson has learned this skill. They seem a bit uncomfortable in their skin. Madelyn has reflux and we were able to start meds this week. Her amount of pain seems better- but she hates the meds-so I mix it with some apple juice. She is still spitting up several times a day, but it isn't followed by the terrible screaming. We still have screaming and body tightening, but that is when she has a gas bubble.

Jackson likes to be more alert lately and seems to overtire himself. Today was the worst...he was cranky and fussy the majority of the evening. Michael was finally able to get him down for a few short naps and now he is in his bed-probably snoring.


Tomorrow they go for their first round of shots and their two month check up. I have several questions for the doctor- concerning sunscreen, bugspray, swimming pools- you know normal summer stuff. It is hard for us to be tied down to the house. When Evy was born at the end of summer in 2005- we didn't take her many places that would require such things...however with an (almost) 5 year old, our lives can't stop. In fact, we let to babies take a swim with us the other evening. Madelyn loved the pool and Jackson was too hungry to care.


They are making more milestones each day. Jackson is rolling from side to back or tummy. They are both very active and can move themselves around the floor a few inches during tummy time. Jackson is pushing his head up and lifting his chest about 6 inches. He is also on the verge of laughing. Madelyn is cooing more and likes to lay on her side instead of participate in tummy time. She still needs to be swaddled at night to get a good sleep. She did sleep 6 hours the other night...my fingers are crossed that it will be repeated from 12-6AM.


This past weekend we went out to the Jayla Alexis Tuck Cancer Foundation kickball tournament. Superfun to watch- would have been more fun to join. I am getting a little frustrated with the broken foot thing. Today it hurts a lot and I am missing exercise. Before I got pregnant I was doing pilates with a trainer and loving it. I have lost a lot of weight since the babies and wish I could be doing some toning...but hauling the black boot around the gym isn't the most effective workout.

I am excited to have some people over this Friday for dinner. Michael and I use to have a very active social life- before kids. We had about 6 sets of military couples that we did things with. They have since all moved away and we have not really connected with other couples. This is partially because we don't want to invest and build solid friendships and then lose them. We know that it is easy with social media, blogs, email, texting and phones to keep in touch, but it takes effort to find the time during your busy weeks. When friendships are local it is easier because you run into them at church, restaraunts and around town. I am definately looking forward to cultivating new friendships.


And because I can't leave you without pictures...here are the babies with their bears at 6 weeks and 9 weeks

7 weeks!!!

On Monday Madelyn and Jackson were seven weeks old! I can't believe how time has flown by. Before I know it, summer will be over and we will be heading back to school- guess I should get daycare arrangements figured out.

At 7 weeks Madelyn and Jackson are:
~holding their heads up and looking around
~eating 4-5 oz every 3-4 hours
~are smiling Maddy 5/8 and Jackson 5/20
~have had their first cold
~sleeping in their own beds
~switched to soy formula since M spits up so much
~J has been cooing for a week or so M just started
~can roll from tummy to back and are very active
~have been to the splash pad, soccer games and to get snow cones- celebrating summer!
~J crosses his eyes frequently
~like to gaze at fans and lights
~J has slept up to six hours

At 7 weeks, Mom has
~lost all her baby weight, plus a few lbs
~broke her foot!

Blogging Backlog

It has been a couple weeks since I posted. It has been crazy busy around here. Not just with the twins but with life in general. The last weeks of school are always busy- so it shouldn't be any different on maternity leave- right?

Here is a run down of the past few weeks:

Both babies got terrible diaper rash, which has been linked back to the "new and improved" Pampers diapers. It was really more like a painful chemical burn on their bums. Thankfully it has finally cleared up- but not without a new diaper brand, prescription, lots of TLC and a couple messages for the doctor.

The babies had their check up last week. Madelyn looks perfect. Jackson has a hydrocele in his scrotum (a fluid filled sack around testicle) that may or may not require surgery. We are hoping for the later. It may have a hernia attached, which would require repair. We are recheck in June at the next dr. appt.

Evy had her dance recital and it was absolutely adorable. She really wants to do Jazz now, even though she really isn't into "touching her booty" She is pretty excited about summer dance and I hope that she can take the hip hop class they offer.

My dear, sweet, strong friend Chrissy and her husband Michael have been in the NICU for several weeks taking care of her premature daughter Lily. Lilian was born April 23- 9weeks early. The doctors discovered through genetic testing that Lily has Trisomy 18 or Edwards Syndrome. Babies with her condition, usually don't survive birth, much less days or weeks of life. They are very lucky to have this precious time with her. She is journalling her life here. Please pray for them. Right now they are doing remarkably well and are living under God's will. However, eventually Lily will take her last breath and go be her Father in heaven leaving her Mom and Dad to grieve.

I have been very blessed to have help with the babies and making dinner from several friends from church. It has been nice to have the conversation and a little pampering. Thanks ladies!

Wednesday I started a new Bible Study at church. I really couldn't decide what I was going to do about the time, but with Michael's encouragement I decided to go for it. I took Madelyn with me- as it is a woman's study. It was kind of precious to be there with my daughter and know that I have the great privilege and responsibility to grow her up in the Word. After that I realized that we haven't done a great job of growing Evy in the Word. We have started to read Bible stories from her bedtime bible devotion book and have spent time praying together as a family. I hope that we can continue this each night. Last night we read about the Widow who gave everything as an offering to Jesus. One of the questions to her was "What is the hardest toy for you to have to give up?" She wasn't too sure what would be hard- if you were giving it to Jesus- she didn't mind. It got me thinking about what in my life would be hard to give up. I am glad that my answer wasn't an earthly possession. I think the whole journey with my friend has made me realize that life is too short and precious to be concerned about the things that will not last. I would give away every possession, picture, garment of clothing, to save Miss Lily's or any member of my families life.

Evy and I also started our garden. We planted pumpkin, green and purple beans, squash corn, watermelon, lettuce and carrots. Michael is planning to get someone to till the ground so that we can plant soon. I will purchase tomato and okra plants once we get the ground tilled. I am so excited to see how they grow and to be able to give Jackson and Madelyn homemade baby food from my garden. I am also planning to learn to can- so we will continue to feed ourselves from the garden during the winter months. I am also thinking of planting more lettuce and carrot seeds in the front flower bed instead of flowers.

Hopefully the next weeks will afford me more time to blog. I have pictures and videos to share!

Super Mom!!!

Many twin moms refer to themselves as supermom! In some cases, this is a true statement. Even after the short time living with multiples, I have learned to accommodate both (and sometimes all) children simultaneously. But there are times that I feel like I am failing majorly. I am sure it is lack of sleep and showers!



This is how I spend part of my days...can't really get much better than that!

103!

Today would have been my Great-Grandma Lillian's 103 birthday...oh how I wish she were still here! I am pretty sure we would have made a trip to St. Louis to see her. But, Old Grandma went to be with the Lord a few days after Evy was born. I didn't even have a chance to tell her about my new daughter. And she won't get to meet the twins. I am sure she is too busy praising up in heaven to look down on us, but I hope that one day she will get to meet my whole family- including Autumn.

There is lots of things I remember about Grandma. She was a very independent woman as she lost her husband in her early 50s due to an accident. Of course I never met my great-grandpa, but I am sure he was a good man. She worked in factories and always wore polyester pant suits to church. She lived with or next door to her son and DIL after the accident. She ate well. None of this non-fat, low-carb junk. She ate bread and cookies. She baked cakes and made bacon and eggs for breakfast. For as long as I knew her only complaint was some arthritis and bunions-which she aided with 8 extra strength Tylenol each day. She lived 98 years in her own place. She liked to watch soaps and listen to Ray Stevens music and the Grand Old Opry. In the summers we would spend time at the farm and take walks down the road together- usually to get the mail. The smell of fresh woods takes me back to that place every time! She loved her dog Buttons and dressed a cement goose on her porch. She was afraid of falling and not being able to get herself up- so she devised a plan to scoot herself outside and use the goose to stable herself to be able swing her legs off the porch and stand up without help. This well thought out plan was going to be practiced, until we ratted her out. The only thing she didn't account for was how to get the front door open while she was laying on the ground... I have many treasured trikets from her that remind me of our days together. I am so thankful she was able to see me get married and follow my first pregnancy. Oh, how I wish she were here to share in the joy of Madelyn and Jackson too!

Happy 103rd Birthday Lillian Ann Mantle.

Saying Hello!

Madelyn was very alert and awake today. She had the hiccups. Bless her heart- they happen all the time. I took this video while burping Jackson...so that is the thumping noise you hear in the background!

It's not this bad!

Big sister Evy fell asleep while holding Jackson the other day. I couldn't resist snapping a few pictures. While the transition from only have one preschool age child to two infants and her has been quite challenging, God has truly blessed us. The babies are sleeping well and picking up on the feeding. We are enjoying some awake time and they are so cute (and grunty) while they sleep. We are thankful for the long stretches (4-5 hours)at night! Many friends and church family have stopped by and offered to help. I am so grateful for the help- but mostly for the company. We have been so truly blessed!

They are here!

The Lord has blessed us with two beautiful babies on April 12, 2010! Madelyn Lillian was born at 9:15a. She weighed 6 lbs 4 oz and was 19 1/4 inches long. Jackson Ryan was born at 9:16a. He weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and was 19 3/4 inches long. Jackson was transverse and his arms were crossed against my back and he was a little "stuck". He did have sticky lungs and had to have some canal oxygen and eventually a CPAP for a couple hours the first night. Madelyn was able to be in our room from the very beginning. I was unable to get up for several hours due to the spinal block and did not see Jackson until about 11:30 Monday night. I was able to hold him for about 3 minutes. The next morning he had a chest x-ray which turned out clear. The doctor wanted him monitored through his first bottle on Tuesday morning- to make sure that his O2 stats stayed in the 90s and his breaths didn't increase. The step up nurse didn't want to send him back to our room and wanted to keep monitoring him, although everything was going good. I talked her into to bringing him in to meet Evy when she came from school Tuesday about 11:30am. She brought him in on a "trial" basis and eventually they determined that he was fine and he was able to join his sister in our room. Since joining his Madelyn, he is perfect They enjoy sleeping closely to each other and touching. I really have enjoyed being a mom of twins. Sometimes it is a little difficult when they are both wanting to be fed or changed.

Since coming home on Thursday, I have been pumping, feeding, changing babies and I was worn out. Saturday, I decided that I am going to stop pumping and only formula feed. My mental state is much better since making that decision. Last night they slept in 5 hour increments, so we were blessed and feel like normal parents instead of zombies. I am hoping that same thing happens tonight!

The last 24 hours of pregancy...

I only have 24 more hours to be pregnant!! I have already spend 6192 hours pregnant...so this last 24 should be a piece of cake...but I have a feeling it will definitely be the hardest! Hopefully, I can sleep tonight!

I was thinking about some of my favorite things about this pregnancy. I am not the kind of person who will oohh and aahh at you and tell you that "I love being pregnant!" cause I don't! I enjoy the end result and the miracle of it all, but I don't enjoy the day to day, in and outs of pregnancy-especially the last parts! But, I do have some memories of this pregnancy that are priceless!

My favorite pregnancy memories:

~being able to share the news with Michael before his birthday (much earlier than expected)

~the day we found out it was twins kind of rocked my world. I was feeling blessed to get two for the price of one (which has since turned out to not be true-twins cost more!!!)

~Dec. 5 we learned we were blessed with a boy and a girl!

~When the babies where about 26 weeks along, they develop the ability to hear noises outside the womb. Michael encouraged Evy to talk to her brother and sister...so she used her hands to pull down my chin and open my mouth and started yelling down my throat to 'talk' to the babies!

~I loved watching the story of Jesus birth (Miracle of Christmas @ Branson) while feeling my own babies kicking inside me...gave me a connection to Mary-but I am definitely blessed that I wasn't chosen to carry the Messiah-I would have been much more difficult to deal with.

I imagine this will be the last of our biological children. I have had ups and downs throughout this journey, but I am very happy that the Lord chose Michael and I to be the parents of Miss Madelyn and Mr. Jackson. I can't wait to see their faces, touch their skin, and make this all feel real...I am so thankful to the Lord for this blessing!

THREE more days, really???

I generally try to keep the posts here upbeat and light...I'm just not feeling that way today. I could share a long list of aliments that are making the last days seem horrible. I might sound a lot like Rosanna Roseannadanna in this clip!

Then I got to thinking about how there isn't that much time left in this pregnancy. Three days. Kind of similar to the time that Jesus faced when he knew his time of ministry was over. He was crucified on a Friday, rose on a Sunday... maybe if I think in those terms it will get easier. I know that I don't have anything that compares to the pain, agony, humiliation and torture that Jesus went through as he died for our sins. And boy am I glad that I don't!

Easter didn't really feel like Easter this year. We didn't attend church (as I have kind of lived under a rock these days) and we didn't have a big traditional family dinner. We spent time with Michael's family for a few hours before my feet were so big I couldn't stand it and then went home in enough time to enjoy a little outdoor time with Evy.

I am so looking forward to and dreading Monday morning at the same time. I am not a big fan of hospitals, IVs or surgeries...all of which I will be having! But I am looking forward to seeing those lovely baby faces. I am a little freighted of the outcome, praying that each baby will be super healthy and will not spend time in the "special" nursery or need a NICU. I have prepared myself as much as possible to understand what the c-section will entail-so hopefully there will be no surprises there. I am also very excited for our new family members to meet the special people in our lives. I am just wishing I could travel forward a few days and get it over with because the wait is torture!

Tomorrow I have one more NST (non stress test). These tests are usually very stressful for me as Madelyn doesn't like to stay on the monitor. I am praying that she will be cooperative tomorrow and we can get in and out in less than 40 minutes! I also may go and do a little pampering...get my hair cut as it might be the last time that happens for a while.

We do have some prayer requests:
First, that my blood pressure would be acceptable and that there would be no more "pre-eclampsia" talk...and that pre-e wouldn't develop.
Second, that tomorrow's NST would run smoothly and quickly!
Third- that Monday would arrive quickly for me...not necessarily for the rest of you who would like to enjoy a long weekend.
Fourth, that the surgery would go perfectly with no complications and that recovery would be easier than expected
Fifth, that each baby would be healthy, breathing on their own and not spend any time in the nursery or NICU for monitoring.

I believe in a big God. I can't see him, but I know he is there!

7 days and counting....

By this time next week, we will have met our babies!!! I am beyond excited to say the least. Today we had our final doctor appt before they arrive. Everything still looks great! We could even see vernix floating off baby A. The babies are still in their same positions and surgery is a must due to the fact that baby B is transverse. He asked me not to have them on Saturday as he is out of town...but eluded to the fact they may come early. I am just fine with waiting until next Monday as it will be planned!

Honesty is the best policy.

There is just something about being honest! These days honesty is sometimes hard to come by. We teach our children to be honest in a world that sometimes rewards those who are far from it. So here is a little dose of honesty...

~ I love that my daffodils are blooming and warmer temperatures are rising. Can't wait for spring and summer!
~ I had a little breakdown about the end of this pregnancy last night. I cried and said "I can't do this anymore!!" and I truly meant it. But after a pep talk from my man and a (fairly) good night of sleep- I can at least do today. I imagine the next 11 days will be one day at a time.
~ I am thankful my MIL's skin issue is a not cancer and was resolved yesterday...and sorry it hurt!
~ I am having trouble wrapping my head around why I am carrying two healthy babies and others are not! It stinks and I hate it!
~ I am wishing I had more energy to accomplish the tasks I wish to accomplish. Today I will write thank-you notes for my baby shower. oh, and head to the hospital for another NST.
~ I am wishing more people stopped by just to chat or see what's going on. I am pretty bored all alone during the day. I know that will change once these babies come- but there is only so much daytime TV one can watch.
~ I do not like to watch the news....I would rather not know about the healthcare plan or government spending....I have enough to worry about :)
~ I'd love to consider being a SAHM...just not sure how to make it work, or if it would work for me.
~ Twins are very expensive. The EOBs keep coming in and I am hoping that we will be able to afford this new family of 5 when we are all finally together. The Lord will provide.

Okay...so enough honesty for one day. Guess I should get back to my "job"~~resting and growing babies!

Here are some picture of the nursery. We are almost done- just need a few more of the dots to finish off the closet doors and get a rocker or glider for in there...can't wai to put them in their beds.

Non Stress Test (NST) = Stress!!!

I have been feeling a bit geriatric these days as it seems I am spending lots of time seeing doctors. It started last week with an everyday visit to medical facility and has continued. For the past several weeks I have been seeing my OB every week and getting NST 2 times each week.

A NST is fairly simple: Basically they hook up 3 monitors on my stomach-one for each kid and one to monitor contractions. Madelyn doesn't like to stay on the monitors, so I usually spend the time holding it down and searching for her heartbeat. The test can take anywhere from 20 minutes to 40 minutes (average) if the babies are cooperating. Today....they were sleeping!!! Sleeping babies fail this test. The doctors want the babies to move around to increase and then decrease their heart rates several times during the test. Sleeping babies have stable, stagnant heart rates. To add to the stress of this, I had brought Evy with me to the hospital because Michael was meeting a client and the grandma's were working! She did very well for a 4 year old...but it added to my stress. I knew the test was taking a long time. The nurse came in with a vibrating noisemaker and zapped them a little. They were no longer sleeping and she was able to get her numbers a little quicker. I'm not too sure that I like the vibrating noisemaker...but it helped me get out quicker.

I was little upset (for no good reason) after the test was over, so I went to the office and hung out for a while. The good news is that I think I should only have 4 more of these left!!

17...16....15...14..

Let the countdown begin. We have a scheduled C-section date for April 12. This is a nice day. The babies will be born on an early Monday morning...a great way to start the week! It will also be a great way to disguise some of the grief that day brings. Several years ago, April 12 was Easter and my grandpa passed away. These babies should bring joy behind the sadness.

I am definitely looking forward to meeting them. In many ways, looking forward to not being pregnant. I guess I didn't realize how difficult the last few weeks would be! I am thankful that we have the ability to allow me to take some extra time off- which helps with the issues (swelling, difficulty walking, breathing, etc)

So...I have a few more days to get the house in order and make sure that we are prepared to bring home two bundles of joy. Don't get me wrong, most days I am going to sit and be lazy, resting, because I won't get to do that much when they arrive.

Why is it???

When you things are good, you feel good?

When things are bad, you feel rather bad?

When things are questionable, you feel questionable?

Today I am questionable! The last week has proved to be a little much. I have sort of hit a wall. I imagined that once I quit working, I would enjoy a Spring Break and some much needed rest. Well that hasn't happened, yet! We went Monday to the specialist for a super duper high resolution ultrasound. They could tell us that from all the angles they could see, everything looked good.

We even got a great pic of Jackson's face!



Tuesday I had my regular OB appt, only to find out they wanted me to have blood drawn. YUCK! My results came in Wednesday (after a good NST) with some elevated liver enzymes. I had more blood drawn yesterday and now I am waiting.............*sigh* All the internet research isn't too promising...so I am questionable. In some regards, I am ready to meet this babies...but 33 weeks is still early for them to exit the womb and enter the world. I keep asking God to strengthen me and them while we wait for their ordained birthdays. So, today I wait for the doctor office to call and make a decision based on the blood work from yesterday. Truthfully, this is the hard part for me. I have wrestled with the fact that two healthy babies will enter this world and come home with me. I am still in shock that it could happen...not fully equipped either way. But, it is taking ever ounce of me to put my trust in the un-see-able future. In the God that's not short of cash (sorry...song lyric I can't get out of my head) Not that I don't trust God, I just am ready to be in on the big picture. I am tired from wrestling!