End of the Year

I tend to measure my years in the school calendar, so for me, it really doesn't feel like the "end of the year" just another calendar turning the page...except, I am getting a whole new calendar. The beginning of the year means I need to learn to write 2009 on the top of my checks and when writing IEPs and notes to parents (that usually takes until May) but otherwise...I am looking forward to May.

But, this Dec. 31 comes with a different feeling. A feeling to declutter and make progress in my "to do" list. Michael and I have spent the last year and half basically drowning in our daily life. I will not lie- it has been tough. I am not going to rehash everything because it is depressing list... but I will say that the water is receding and God's rainbow of Promise is starting to peek through the clouds. Now is the time to do life again. In some respects this is great. Life is fun! But, it also means some major re-examination of priorities: Spiritually, physical and financial.

I want to be a do-er, not a say-er. Take for example: our master bath. We have one of the ugliest bathrooms that needs to be redone. We have-strike that- have had for 2 years the sink and toilet, paint and decor...just no time or expertise to complete the project. We also have a hall the has torn off wallpaper and a junk room that needs some MAJOR help. We have talked about repainting our "wooden" den for years. These projects show me that I have been a say-er. I want to be a do-er. I have spent the last couple of days, purging unneeded junk from the laundry room, closets and desks. It is a great feeling. I am hoping that 2009 will be the year we spend re-evaluating our lives and following through.

Mosiac Monday... on Tuesday

Okay, so I am a little late posting to the Simple Shutter's Mosiac Monday but with the holiday and all :) Feel free to join...just click on the green and you will get more info!

Evy and I took a little adventure to Starbucks this morning. She wanted to ride in her stroller and I took advantage of the 'spring-like' weather. We walked up to Starbucks, where she ordered a "large coffee, please" *aka* white chocolate mocha cream frappachino! I had a salted carmel hot chocolate and we ate a yummy muffin and classic coffee cake. Then we walked to the park and played. I took pictures...with my great camera phone. It is definitely a blessing that we are within walking distance of our two favorite places. I got some odd looks on the corner of the busy street, but I was the "green" mom today who didn't drive her gas-guzzling SUV just a couple blocks. It was as Evy would say " a great day!"

Do you feel a little letdown after Christmas? Not disappointed, exactly, just a little... Lacking something needed, wanted or expected. I think maybe we ask too much of "Christmas." For one day a year, please let everything be perfect. Let our relatives be at peace; let our homes be filled with joy and free from discord; let our hearts be pure; let our lives be whatever they are not the rest of the year.

Sadly, it doesn't work that way. The relatives are just as they are the other days of the year. Our homes are filled with the anxiety of expectations. Our hearts are filled with the realization that a day on the calendar cannot make us pure. Our lives are left unchanged.

This season has been the saddest for me of any I can remember-- a little on a personal level but as well on a community level. I find myself surrounded by broken hearts, broken homes and broken lives. Abuse, suicide, drugs, infertility, broken vows, broken people. A world full of hurting people. I sat in church on Christmas eve, listening to the scriptures read, the songs sung and was smacked in the face by this thought..."what if that baby had never been born?" What would the picture of "that" life be? I have spent days meditating on this thought...what would it look like? I still am not sure I want to experience that picture...and yet I am intrigued.

For while one day on the calendar cannot magically transform our lives, the Baby in the manger can. Because of Him and His life, death and resurrection, we have the power to change. We have the same power available to us that raised Him from the dead. The same power that enabled Him to live a sinless life. The same power that healed the sick and and the lame and the blind and the deaf. The same power that conquered sin and death and the grave. He has given us everything we need for life and Godliness. We, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord. He has the power to transform us, to make us something new and different and better. To make us like Him.


I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head
“There is no peace on earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men.”

Yesterday, I was reminded...

that I am turning 30 in March... so my sisters & brother-in-law discussed "the party" they would need to plan. I guess it got me thinking... what would I want to make this transition into the life that has always seemed so far away. I haven't had very many parties... but I thought about something extravagant. Something like this.... but black and pink or brown and pink.

I haven't had many fancy parties. I didn't have a fancy wedding reception or many parties as an an adult, so this would be the time to"do-it-up"! I will turn 30 and the next week, Michael and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage~quite an accomplishment in today's society. But... really it isn't too me. What would I wear? Where would it take place? It sure would be expensive And while I would remember it for a long time, it wouldn't be very intimate.

I would definitely enjoy something a bit more low key...crafty perhaps. Like making ragamuffin garland, which seems a little more like me... or scrapbooking and talking with friends.

Another fun idea would be skiing in Colorado with friend... but way more expensive than party with the extravagant table decorations.

But... I really think I would enjoy spending time at the coffee house, lounging around, talking with friends, listening to the guitar, singing praise and worship songs, eating appetizers and sharing life with friends. So...hopefully, my sister will read this post and get some ideas! What a great day to spend time with friends.

Merry and Bright...

I am trying to make this Christmas feel Merry and Bright, while I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed (and a little sad)...so much to do, so little time. While the house is now SpArKiLiNg clean and some presents are wrapped....I still have sewing and wrapping to finish before I will be ready. I think that we are opening presents with my family tomorrow...so I best get busy. As for the sad part, I don't know. I guess I am missing our friendly get-togethers with old friends. Michael and I missed our Home Group party last week due to the nasty cold, so we have been keeping each other company. I think people (at least me) really need that type of communion with others~ besides family. So...Iwill prepare for the family drama that usually insues when they arrive in town... my anticipation is too much as it begins tomorrow!

What does a messy house say about a person's personality?

It could say that the person has better things to do than clean house. Like wrap presents, finish gifts, shopping, dancing and painting with toddler, working out (eh, maybe)

I am a little overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that needs to get done before the family starts arriving this week! I am not the greatest housekeeper in the world, so I have lots to do. I remember the days when the Merry Maids came to visit every other week... oh, how I miss those days. But, with the economy and all... seems a bit much to spend on something I am perfectly capable of doing!! I just don't like doing. I am a closet messy person. People see a clean house but underneath and in the cabinets it is total clutter. I can't say that this is MY fault. My hubby contributes as well, but, truthfully, we never started with a clean slate. We walked into a house that was fully furnished with someone else's 50+ years of stuff. We have done a lot of packing, but it just never seems to be the clean state that I want to achieve. I look at those new house and wish that I had that (sometimes) Okay... time to grab some grub for energy and get busy mopping, dusting, scrubbing, and de-cluttering!

What a difference a day makes...

and some rest, orange juice, and antibiotics!

Oh man, I am feeling SO much better. I now have a hacking cough but I can breath out of my nose and swallow with much less pain and my eyes were much less matted this morning. I had trouble falling asleep last night due to the cough but once I was there it was good. I am calling the doctor for the good cough syrup today. Evy may be getting it, I think she was running a temp last night, so pray for her... Dr. 'Shelly' gave us med for Michael and I, but he will have to see her.

So today is the last day of school before the holidays! WAHOOOO! I am pretty excited. I organized a little gift exchange for the students, so it should be fun for them to open there presents. We are also watching "Horton Hears a Who" in our Pajama's this morning... while I will be writing Christmas cards and making some handmade presents for family!

Feeling terrible...

It has been a couple of months since I have felt this bad... the beginnings of strep throat seem to be the diagnosis from the doctor. I went home from doctor and made dinner and went to bed while Michael and Evy were gone. The doctor wanted me to stay home Thur. and Fri. from school, but with parties and such tomorrow, I am allowed to go back to school. Michael had a meeting with the men from church to pray over the business. He filled my prescription and got me a "get well kit" complete with chocolate, magazine and sucrets!

Not to complain, but this morning I woke up with the driest throat AND a swollen uvula. It has been touching the back of my throat all day- which causes a weird choking feeling and feels like I am swallowing razors. I just hung out and rested at home today. Tonight I had a few things to get done to be ready for school and Christmas presents for teachers at school. I am SO ready for bed now. Thankfully tomorrow is pajama and movie day.

Tomorrow is payday so therefore it is finish Christmas shopping day... I am hoping that I can get it all done quickly... we shall see!

Prayers for my Sister

My youngest sister just called and said that the annual gyno visit revealed some large pre-cancerous cells. She is pretty freaked out, lives alone, away from a lot of family. These have apparently come up since her last pap a year ago. Please pray that whatever procedure they do will keep her cancer free, that she will experience peace while she waits to see the doctor. She won't get any new until 1-23-09!!! I am praying that she can forget about it for a while since she has about 6 weeks to wait. I would be a wreck!

Christmas Tour of Homes

After blogging for a while, I have been reading various women's blogs. I have found a wonderful site sponsoring a "Tour of Homes" via the Internet. Check out BooMama's site. Truly that is the ONLY way, I would make it on the Tour of Homes as it is nearly impossible for me to keep a clean enough house... So sit back, drink some coffee and enjoy a few of my Christmas decorations. And- be thankful you're not getting out in the -2 degree windchill to make it to my house, actually.

This the wreath we purchased this year at the Disney Store during our trip to Branson. I was not a huge fan of Mickey, but with a toddler WAY into princess and the hubby is a big fan so I am learning to love it. Secretly, it began happening after our last trip to Florida... and I can't wait to return!

This is the hubby's tree full of Star Trek ornaments in the living room. They light up and make sounds. I get a kick out of it when I turn them on because all of them talk at once. In the window is the snowflake lights and you can see the outside swag decorations. This is the tree you see through the front window. Since it sits on top of the TV it looks bigger than it is.

This is our Christmas tree in the den. It is as old as our marriage because Michael bought it the year before we were married. It usually has blue balls and gold musical ornaments with ribbons, but this year we had enough ornaments to leave off the themes. I love decorating the tree because I have ornaments from friends that give me warm and fuzzy feelings as I remember. I have one from Jodi N. when we they lived in Enid before her brain tumor and pregnancy! I have a ornament from Russia that Heather C. brought back during her trip. I have several that students have given me and they all mean so much.




These two ornaments are the ones I got to honor the baby that is in Heaven. We lost our little Autumn at 11 weeks last Thanksgiving. The first ball I bought as a gift for a friend who had gone through the same thing and one for myself. I had another angel marked 2007 that I picked up that could be engraved, but couldn't even say the words to the engraver. This year I chose the bottom angel that says "I am with you always" which gave me peace again this year. We didn't bury her, so in a small way this is a nice memorial for her memory since Thanksgiving and Christmas seem to be the hardest so far.



This is a nativity set that sits on the half wall by the laundry room. Two years ago, Michael mentioned he loved nativities and since he is so difficult to buy for, we got about 5 of them... including a Willow Tree set, which is out all year long with the other Willow Tree pieces. I display these all over the house instead of Santa's. They are so much more beautiful and meaningful.


Our stockings are usually hung by the chimney with care, but we recently rearranged the den so the fireplace is blocked by my rocking chair. I hung the stockings under the tree. Notice, no presents, they are in a pile in the study waiting to be wrapped. I think wrapping is my least favorite holiday chore.


I think by far this is my favorite Christmas decoration. It is a ceramic Christmas tree with little plastic light and bird shapes. It has a light inside and belonged to Michael's Grandma Evelyn. I haven't changed the light bulb and she has been gone for almost 20 years. I just love to have it out.




This is the outside of the house. While I love a good Griswold Christmas light spectacular, I don't like the getting on the roof, so we stick to the swag lights that I can put up with a step ladder or Michael can reach with a stretch. This year Evy is fascinated by lights so did a little more (and planned to do more, we just get so busy) We added the penguin because she loves the blow up things!

So on your way out, grab some hot chocolate and some orea truffles.

A great new day!

I can't even really believe that I haven't felt like saying much, lately... weird huh? I have been feeling a little in over my head while wondering what the next steps in God's plan are. You see it seems that I misread the plan...or thought my plan was His plan and expected my year end outcome to be different. I had it all pictured out in my head... we would be spending this "Baby's First Christmas" loving our new family member. It would be snowy and all the family would be stuck together enjoying old stories and memories and passing her around. Well, unfortunately it didn't work out like that, so then I was SURE we would be celebrating the joy of the pregnancy. I would add another "Mom to Be" ornament to the tree and find some cutesy "I'm a big sister" shirt for Evy to wear to while leading me out with a bow around the belly. Oh, how your mind can wander.

Then this last weekend, I anticipated the call from the adoption coordinator to set up an interview. So I checked my phone continually-even in the Noah show, where it was prohibited and noticed by the security people. I expected that they might want to talk to us and we would get the ball rolling, only to find the adoption papers returned to my house. "Not deliverable address" printed on the yellow tag. Weirder still is that it IS the correct address. I didn't transpose the number, it was just undeliverable. So here they sit on the computer desk waiting for some Divine intervention.

So, I am definitely feeling in over my head. Truthfully,I am sure it is because my quiet time has slipped. I haven't had much focus. I hate to admit it, but I have a terrible time just picking up the Bible to read the stories. I have my Beth Moore journal and need to kick myself to get back in it...not too interested in the life of David right now. I am looking for something that I can't find...focus and attention. I keep looking for some kind of book talking about prayer and hearing God's voice. Any suggestions?... because My head and heart seem to be like spinning tires. I want to move forward, but feel stuck in the rut. So what is a girl to do? I am going to enjoy my morning coffee over the sweet word of Jesus...and make it a great new day!

Also... Today I also talked with an old friend on the phone. One of my high school buddies who is living back in Stillwater. She called information to get my number and called my in-laws. Thankfully, I got the message and we connected. She is pregnant due in March and is having a boy. While we talking and I was making dinner, Evy was listening. She chirped "Mom, if you want a boy, just ask Jesus!" Oh her child like faith is wonderful, so I will spend my days asking for a baby (notice, I didn't say boy)!

What a week!

It has been a total whirlwind of a week. We were in the process of getting ready for our trip this past weekend amongst a VERY tough week at school. (Which is to be expected after a 5 day stint with no school. ) Also, had OT 3 times in 4 days, plus Evy's ballet "watch-party"! The week was definately full. We left Friday @5AM to drive to Branson with my in-laws... we had a short, but great trip. We went to see Noah (highly recommended show) and loved every minute. Evy had sat/slept in the car for about 6+ hours for the drive, then at dinner when we arrived AND all through the 2+ hour show. I am amazed! I got some much needed shopping therapy at the outlet malls and LOTS of cute presents for Evy, an amazing deal on some new dishes (more to come) and time away from home! It was a little hard at times because of all the babies first Christmas stuff. We both were teary as we left the Carter's store, because of being bombared with cute little baby stuff and missing our little one during the season. It is amazing how much you plan in your head what your future days will look like. I remember counting forward to find out that our little one might be interested in tearing open the presents at 7 months during Christmas.

When we arrived home we found the adoption papers had been returned. I had transposed the numbers and it was an undeliverable address. I am still praying about what that means... YIKES! Also, maybe a little TMI- but I am late and not pregnant according to the tests I have taken... so we shall see. It isn't really a surprise, it just means I need to get back to the doctor. So today I will be making check up appointments at the OB's and eye doctor...can I squeeze it all in before the end of the year?

So...more updates to come, but got to get moving this morning!