So a week ago this awful nightmare began. I am not sure how and why this all began, I just know the ending isn't pretty.
I went to my OB in August, hoping to get pregnant within the next 6 months- and was shocked when I concieved naturally in Sept. However, the last few weeks have been FULL of stress. My hubby had to have emergency retina surgery for a detached retina, father-in-law has been in and out of hospital while waiting to be put on the liver transplant list, husband just bought a new business, work issues, etc. You know life gets complicated sometimes. Also, I have been sick since I found out I was pregnant- sinus infections etc. So as excited as I was to get pregant on my own, the timing was tough.
So now my perfect little life I was building in my head, came crashing down on Sunday. I found out this weekend that my baby stopped developing. I should have been 11 weeks on 11/28. However, on Sunday 11-25, the baby only measured 6 weeks and 2 days with no heartbeat. My due date was 6-18. So I had to have a D&C on Wednesday.
I really thought this wouldn't matter. That I could just ignore it and would go away. However, I can't help thinking about the dead baby that was inside of me and how it is kind of unfair. While I want to ignore it and get back to life, I am not sure that is the best option. I have spent the last few days taking lots of showers-- I guess it is my way of trying to wash it all away, I keep hoping that one morning I will wake up and it will all be a dream. But it won't happen that way! So instead I will blog my feelings.
