"WHA HOOOO! Yip Yip Yahoooo Yippee...

I'm so CITEd!" as Evy would say. Yesterday was the last day of school for me. I was able to turn in my keys and be done by about 10. Not quite as exciting, was Evy's last day with Lisa. I have done my best to prepare her for this, but she stil doesn't quite understand. She started to tear up in the car again yesterday when I reminded her. Lisa makes quite an impression on her. Evy ALWAYS calls herself "Princess Evy" but the other day while playing she said her name was Lisa. I know that is a developmental milestone or something (being able to pretend to be a person your are not) which is great, but it showed me that she really thinks a lot of her. I am really excited for the summer, Evy and I will have the whole summer to connect. She is very much a Daddy's girl, but is beginning to show some preferance to me. I think a summer of swimming, chalk, parks, and snowcones may help our relationship. I do worry about her socialization. Since she will be home a lot or out of town with me while teaching. I am hoping we can have some kids over from church or something to play. Kaylee will come over. And... Anne Marie would bring over her daughter. We will also still have gymnastics while we are in town. And... she will be going to VBS in June. I think maybe it will be harder next fall when she spends all day with her daddy at the office and then doesn't socialize very much. She is a very social kid, I am beginning to wonder if our no childcare thing is going to work for her. We shall see.

Looking Up!

So I think I offically hit the pit this week. With only a month remaining for the EDD of Autumn, it has been tough. Also, two babies at school were born in the last weeks. One was an ememergcy caused by a car accident. The baby had to be revived upon being born and spent a few days at Children's in OKC. Now she is home and doing well. The other baby was due around the same time as Autumn. She went for her normal appointment and her water was broken a little. She was just under 6 weeks until delivery. After a day of testing, they did a C-section and he was born. No problems, but will have to stay in the hospital for a while. I haven't had the nerve to go up there yet, but I should. I have something for her, as she missed her baby shower. She gave birth the day it was held. The other lady at school (due the same day) is still big and pregnant. So this week was hard.

I went to the doctor for a sinus infection and we talked about it. His records showed I was pregnant because of the + test I had in March for the chem. pregnancy. So I told him about the adoption idea. He had adopted their first son, so he gave me a some great information. I looked over the websites and then just felt a feeling of not wanting to give up.

I decided to call the Bennett Fertility Clinic in OKC. I saw there sign for many weeks while Mike was sick. So I did some checking and Dr. Reshef is on my insurance. Dr. Shelton had said that the shots I took with Evy probably helped my body because of the hormones, so we will probably have to do it again. Anyway, I called fully expecting to not get an appointment until July or August. They had one on June 2. The crazy news... is I will already be going to OKC for a conference on June 2. I will miss part of the first day, but it will be ok since I have been to another conference that will be much like the information given on the first day. I called the director lady just to make sure. It seems to be fitting into place and I don't feel the sinking sadness. I am just thinking postive and hoping he will have some answers.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Evy was such a sweet girl. She and her Grandma Gabby made me a foam picture frame for my desk. She picked out a special card at the store and said"this is for you" The first line read, "FOR MY MOM~~" so I stopped reading and paid for it. Michael helped her write her name and gave it to me yesterday. While... most everyone wishes for a spa day of pampering it was nice to be with my family. We spent Sunday mowing, trimming and weed eating with the help of my parents. Michael had worked all night, so he rested and did some indoor work while I perfected the outdoors. It was quite a transformation as the grass was at least a foot tall in the back. The grass is so think and with all the rain, it never seemed to be dry enough to mow. Next weekend, I will get the flowers planted and get the vegetable garden started. I know it is late... but I will buy all the already started plants.

I should have went to church Sunday, but I am just at such a deliema. I didn't really want to go and sit through a sermon about moms... because it seems all I do is cry about the waiting game. I am feeling disconnected from church. I tried to make friends, but don't feel very accepted. Everyone has their friends and we just don't fit into their groups. A couple weeks ago I went to a Lifechurch.tv and felt an instant connection. Not so much with the people, but the pastor. We have been several times in Stillwater-- and if gas wasn't so high I would be there more often. Now we hace one here. It is a small church... very small, but the people were friendly. They greated at the door and then sought me out after the service. That day, Ifelt like I could be me... and not a messenger or a childcare worker. Plus the worship is high energy concert style. While some people really enjoy the still, soft sweet worship, I tend to enjoy an upbeat style of praise and worship. It really fits me. How do you decide when it is time to move on?

Weekend!

It seems when it rains... it pours! Friday was another terrible day at school. I was doing the RIGHT thing this time so all is well. But, I left the building definately frustrated.

There are some good things happening:
Jess sold her house so she will get to move into a bigger house "of her dreams"!
There are ONLY 9 MORE days of school left!
We get to take the students on a feild trip to the park next Wed. which should be fun.
Went to garage sales this morning and found some cool things for Evy and school.
Micheal's parents are HOME!!! The liver doctor is moving to Baltimore, so he may eventually be able to get a new liver at John Hopkins. His weight is ALL muscle and fat- no water. He can walk 6 blocks and is eating like a horse. Not too many restrictions- AWESOME news!
And... so far is day 30 on my cycle and I have dodged AF... maybe I am pregnant?

Micahel is sleeping after working all night. He didn't get to bed until 12... so he will be out for a while. Evy is napping... wonder how long that will last?

YUCK!

The only thing I can think to describe this week is YUCK!! I spent Monday at home in bed due to a spring cold. I felt particularly bad on Sunday and Monday, better yesterday and cruddy today. I keep coughing. I think the vaporizer and bed are calling my name after dinner. Michael was suppose to be home shortly after 6 and he still isn't here.

The other thing is the rain. It rained ALL day today. I am fully intending my classroom to be flooded tomorrow. I don't think the dam I built is going to hold out the water. VanBuren was really flooded~ enough water that I didn't feel comfortable driving through it. Luckily it didn't hurt anything amd since I drive the road 730+ times per year, I pretty much knew what to expect. By the time I got Evy into the car I was drinched! Water pouring down my shirt. She is happily exclaiming, I love the rain! I guess I love the rain too. I love it as I am falling asleep and when I can sleep in on Saturday. I love it in the HOT summer afternoons for a quick cool off. I love thunder and lightening storms sans tornados. But... when I have errands to run, children to pick up and things that require movment outside. I don't particularly love it.

The Big Picture

I am forever amazed at how our lives fit together like a giant puzzle in the sky. Everyone says, "God is perfect" which I whole-heartedly believe... however sometimes my simple mind forgets how perfect and complex God is. Michael and I have really been struggling with our childcare situation. By all means, it is the best possible. But, with the purchase of the business and the lack of sick days I have left because of surgeries this year, it has been less than ideal when Evy is sick. So a few weeks ago she got an allergy reaction that ended in phlarengitis. Lisa didn't want to other kids exposed to her coughing and snotty nose, so we were asked to keep her home for a week. At the time, it was frustrating because she had to stay at the office with Michael because I didn't have the ability to get off. During that time, they both really enjoyed themselves and we thought... 'hey, we could save a bundle, if we set up a playroom and kept her all the time" We struggled with this decision because we didn't want Lisa to lose her income or go through finding/training another child. Lisa has keep her since she was 10 weeks old. So we planned to give her our two week notice for the end of the school and planned to keep her at the office next year. I have so struggled with telling her and pawned that job off onto Michael. I think he still wasn't really sure how it was all going to work and for that purpose was stalling. Anyway...yesterday I received a letter stating that Lisa was closing her facility to start a new chapter in her life for a better life for her and her daughter. I think she thought I would be upset about the change. When in reality I was very relieved that she made the decision for me and I didn't have to quit her. So in all of that... God slowly moved all the peices of the puzzle together so that it fit in his perfect time. AMAZING.
I am not sure what the future will bring. I know that I am looking forward to the summer and she will enjoy the time with her daddy. It will be interesting to say the least. And if anyone knows of a good backup plan--let me know!

14 days left...

Just 14 days of school left. I am definately anticipating summer. Today we recieved our adoption packet in the mail. It was hard to pick ONLY 6 references for the application. It doesn't really look the DHS is the best avenue to go from reading through the information. We want a child younger than Evy and that means we may wait a LONG time. Plus, kids from DHS come with some baggage. But, I can handle baggage. The whole point of us adopting is to provide some child with a loving home that they wouldn't get from their natural parents. I know whatevery God's will is... that is what will be.

I received a plant from the social committe at school today-- as a "thinking of you" from the miscarriage surgery in Nov- 5 months, 1 week and 3 days later! Several members of faculty knew about the miscarriage and I was shocked that I didn't recieve anything sooner. I mean I pay $40 a year for that kind of stuff. It is a pretty Lantana plant with little yellow flowers. It will stay at school until it is gets warmer outside and then I will bring it home for the summer. The whole reason it happened was because we were talking about gifts people have received for different events during the school year. Plus... the faculty is hosting a baby shower for the two ladies who are pregnant and I don't plan on attending, so I was getting information to give them a gift at a later time. I am sure they will understand. It just can't go sit and 'ahhh' over gifts that I should be getting too!

So... now I am just praying for whatever God wants to happen. I am sure that somewhere in the world there is a little child who needs Michael and I to love them. I don't know how long it will take us to meet... but I hope it is soon.