I want to talk about meeeeeeeeeeeee!

I have been having a little trouble with writers block...well not actually writers block, more like writers overload. I could talk about all the funny things Miss Evy says, or all the hairs falling out of my head, maybe the stresses of owning your own business or last month of school issues in my classroom. I could bore you with more medical issues as related to my nerve dysfunction or the continued infertility or the more-than-likely small depression setting in. I could give you an update on all of the blogs of people who are facing such difficulty and in need of much prayers...there is so much. I could share my feels of fear that crept up throughout the night after those tornado sirens went off 4 times between 9:45p.m. and 2 a.m. this morning...However, this one topic just keeps rising to the top.

destiny.
des⋅ti⋅ny Pronunciation [des-tuh-nee]
–noun, plural -nies.
1. something that is to happen or has happened to a particular person or thing; lot or fortune.
2. the predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible, course of events.
3. the power or agency that determines the course of events.
4. (initial capital letter) this power personified or represented as a goddess.
5. the Destinies, the Fates.

Is this my destiny? Did I catch the right plane? Am I going to get to the destination?

As I look over my life this is not the plan I had in mind. I had it pictured a little differently. I really didn't set out to be a special education teacher married to a business owner in the armpit of America. HE did. I wanted something more exotic-with a more abundant income. I am having a little trouble adjusting. HE continues give me opportunities to adjust. I wanted my day in day out life to be noteworthy. HE continues to remind me how truly blessed I am with the life I live. I know it is a horrible thing to want days to be about me for a while, but I do...I want to be asking God to give me a heart for others instead of me. But, then, I am a little afraid of what HE might do. And while we are on that matter...we haven't been speaking as much lately...not His fault--all mine. Which might BTW be part of the need to talk all about me need, huh!?!

God's plan has been in motion for a long time and my predetermined, inevitable, irresistible course of events is locked into place. I believe that God's path for your life is set, he has a plan for you. That plan is in place...and he knows what you will do. So all of this was on the menu. Could I have made different choices and created a different life? Yes! Did God know that I would take this path? Yes! So much for the idea of destiny and free will...way too heavy for a blog post huh? Maybe we can save destiny and free will for a tall cup of coffee, a couple of hours and a couch! My whole point is...I hope I picked the right layovers to the destination.

I am just not so sure what is next? Michael and I some big decisions to make. I am definitely feeling at a crossroads. I don't know that I am content continuing to this path. It may just be time of year, (it's like the overwhelming tired your get at the end of a vacation when you are so ready to go home) or I maybe ready for change. I am not really sure what that change may be. I am asking for some big time prayers and support. I am not comfortable sharing details yet, which may be another reason for avoiding the blog...but in due time I am sure I will have plenty to share. In the meantime...prayers, notes of encouragement, and conversations over coffee are welcome!

*Oh...and if you are feeling WAY generous and want to add to the abundant salary that I had dreamed of...I can take donations in the form of a PayPal account. Just Kidding, friends. Well, only slightly! :)