Many of you know the struggle Michael and I faced trying to get pregnant. We began this process early in our marriage, because we knew that this would be a struggle due to some medical issues. My body doesn't ovulate on its own...which is a key ingredient in the baby making recipe. It took almost 6 years and medical interventions (pills, tests, surgery, hormone reduction, hormone reintegration, and injectable medication) for Evy to be conceived. Then in Aug. 2007 we decided we were ready to add to our family, again. Very quickly, I became pregnant on our own, but miscarried at 10 weeks. In the beginning of that pregnancy my progesterone was low, but they are unsure of the problems that happened. I know at 8 weeks we saw a heartbeat in a baby measuring 6 weeks. So something was not right.
For the last 17 months, I have been waiting. We tried some interventions with the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) to help with progesterone...didn't work. I just completed the third cycle of clomid...and still am not pregnant. I am patiently waiting for the Lord here! I have began some programs to take the focus off and as we passed our 10th anniversary I wondered how much longer will I long for this?!? But my question has always been... If I am seeking medical treatment, am I waiting on the Lord?
Many people have said, if your heart was not working right, you would get medical attention...not just pray and wait for God to heal it, right? Then you should seek treatment for this...God is still in control of the outcome. I know in my mind that is true, but it is such a hard issue for my heart. It isn't cut and dry. The word says...ask and it shall be given to you! I am asking.
I am waiting.
But...I am thinking I want treatment, too!
There isn't a verse...and I know 'cause I am reading the One Year Bible...that says "Amy it is time to go to the doctor!" I would even settle for "Beloved, it is time!" The name Amy means beloved...so even that would work...But I still haven't found it!
I am at the crossroads today.
My heart/head want to go back to the doctor and begin medication again.
But, my heart/head fears that is not waiting for the Lord.
1 comment:
Sorry the Clomid didn't work this time. Just my 2 cents here-If your body is broken in whatever way, God has given us knowledge of where to go for help. He has given physicians certain skills for a reason. I think you will figure it out. I'm sending hugs to you.
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