What your good at

For several days Michael has been asking me to help him write the contract for the (LARGE) purchase we will be making in a few days. I am not so sure why it was me, instead of a more qualified lawyer, but I guess I am cheaper...so he thinks! Anyway, I am pretty good at what I do. Not to toot my own horn, but I did complete National Board Certification in the first year of the process *note- it can be a three year process- end note* I have as our LMS calls "the patience of Job" in dealing with my students, and I wear all my hats (wife, daughter, mother, aunt, sister, teacher, nurse, behaviorial specialist, parent trainer, employee, co-business owner, church go-er, blog writer, etc) without much complaining.

But I have been stalling on this wife-ly duty-helping write a contract- mostly because I don't have the foggest idea what it should say. I am a little on the controling side, which is something I am working on-in small baby steps! Thankfully the internet is chalked full of sample contracts and ideas. Anyway, my eyes got a little glazed over as I read through the contract he had found. While it was probably an A+ in contract writing class, I was clueless as to what it meant. I found myself reading the first paragraph over and over again.

It said...the ______________will be refered to as 'seller', the ___________hereinto referenced as 'buyer'. Then something about "exhibit A" which made me think of a courtroom, which lead me down the mental path of being sued, then I came back to how I didn't have a clue about this contract business, how lawyers are expensive, but they might be worth it...and then back to re-reading the six lines I had just skipped. Ug! It was a little exhuasting.

So the best solution...we picked a simpler contract and made it our own...then we went to have ice-cream. Truthfully, I had skipped Bible Study due to the contract writing and packing, but we took a little break to have some couple time without our little *needs to be the center of attention* darling daughter was at AWANA Cubbies.

Thankfully, everything is in order for our trip...which I will be posting more about in the coming days...right now, I best get off to work before i am LATE again!

Blessings Inventory!

Today I am taking a blessing inventory. Join me! I will post them at the end of the day!

1. a King for a father- thank you Abba Lord for forming my life in my mothers womb and staying close even when I was angry and bitter. Thank you for sending your son to die-something I could never do.
2. a Bible- someone got theirs stolen out of their car. I am thankful that I have several and that I am a month behind in reading it in a year. I am just pretty darn thankful I can read it in my own language and understand it.
3. breath-heartbeats-blood flow-(mostly) working internal organs- a healthy life
4. parents who gave of themselves to raise 3 babies into wonderful women with less money than they needed and a hard row to hoe.
5. a husband who loves me, is emotional, is thoughtful, provides my every needs and most of my wants, is quirky, is loving, is the best father, innovative, creative, imaginative, totally wonderful. I can't wait to celebrate our TEN years of marriage.
6. a daughter who is funny, quirky, smart, beautiful, loving, super special, imaginative, thoughtful, loyal, picky, healthy. I am so blessed she is just her and sad for Moms and Dads who have lost their babies to sickness...may God restore blessings in their lives.
7. my sisters- I have three now including Kim...they are uniquely different but push me to be a better person - Congrats to JM who just received a huge promotion- she's the boss-sort of and prayers for BH as she searches for a new future.
8. friends- I have wonderful friends. I am hoping we spend more time cultivating those relationships- new and old
9. coffee- a blessing when coupled with friends and conversation!
10. a job...I have a job that most days I love and 9 wonderful lives to share learning and love. I am blessed by my helpers-BH and AMM- I couldn't do it without them!
11. travel- i like to travel...i am blessed to be able to do that frequently...including next weekend when we go to Dallas for the Chris Tomlin and Christy Nockels concert
12. a dirty home with a mouse (or two). I have never had the opportunity to go into a major poverty stricken area, but for those with no homes, a home with a mouse is a blessing. and the fact that their is a enough life to make it dirty is a wonderful blessing
13. ability to move- I can exercise, run, jump, etc. without pain or problems. What I consider to be a obligation would be a welcome relief to those without that ability. May I use it more wisely.
14. church- a place of worship and learning. I am also going to be part of the education ministry again- it is a blessing to provide Biblical knowledge to adults and children.
15. gadgets and appliances- phone, computer, cars, stove, fridge,- they make my life easier.
16. a child in heaven- while I don't daily consider this a blessing, I have learned so much. I have this "club" that many women silently belong to--the one of a lost child. Becoming on of them was the hardest challenge I have faced. BUT my little Autumn is in heaven dancing with Jesus...what more could we want?

It goes away! eventually

Sometimes I have trouble wrapping my head around infertility. I will be doing great and then W-H-A-M, I will begin sinking quicker than a stick in quicksand. These times usually come after a week or so of busyness and stress. While I wouldn't consider this past two weeks "stressful", in comparison to some of the other 1558 weeks I have lived, but it was building. I am going to spare you the itsy bitsy details of each of the stresses, but lets just say, it was kind of like climbing a mountain. So back to WHAM... The last few days have been particularly hard because by dear sweet husband, my prince charming, has been very sick. He doesn't get sick and when he calls in to find someone to work for him...it is bad. The doctors verdict-strep throat-a course of antibiotics and magic mouthwash and he should be fine in a few days. But, I feel helpless. I made him chicken soup-it tasted bad. I took off one day to help out and he was able to sleep most of the day, but it didn't make it better. He is in charge of Evy during the day and so I have felt guilty about working most of this week instead of being home to help him out... anyone who has taught knows "You don't leave your classroom on party weeks!!" And today is a party!

This feeling builds until I hit a wall- WHAM!! I don't have control and I am feeling it! I cried myself to sleep last night praying for ALL of the things that have been itching at me this week. It wasn't the sobbing-until-your-eyes-are-swollen-shut kind of breakdown, just a small quiet pleading with the Lord. I am ready for IT! Whatever IT is... I am ready for a clear picture of what I should be doing. This trek is hard because I don't want to be stepping out of the Lords will. And infertility treatments sometimes feel like playing God-that is part of the reason I am avoiding shots. I don't know "why" my body doesn't work. I understand "how" it doesn't work. I also understand that I can help it out. There are some diet and exercise changes I could make to help (a minute amount) but they make the daily life more difficult and less in control. When I make those changes, I miss out on SO much! I haven't made it to gym much this week- or last--because of ALL the stuff. So...do I want this enough? Is medication the easy way? Am I not trusting God enough? Am I not putting forth the effort? Did He forget me? All of these questions swirl in my head. I am just wishing the Lord made me normal. I want to be the one who thinks "we should have another baby" and + test comes the next month... But instead I am waiting for IT-in some cases for years! The Lord teaches me much in the waiting, but today I am ready for this lesson to be over!

This feeling isn't a depression, it is more of an anxious stirring in my soul. I am feeling a little sad, very out of control and sometimes like a broken woman. I don't want pity...I will be fine. It is hard to explain. I guess I am trying to come to terms with it...AGAIN! and writing works. Also...so many people are in this boat. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that it gets better, my heart heals, and this broken feeling goes away. But...in the throws of the waiting... it is still there.

I have all this....

and my skin is STILL dry. Why you ask?

It is because I don't apply it. I am SO not into the way lotion feels on my hands and it is one of the beautification steps in the morning that I skip. I don't skip too many of those steps, daily shampoo and conditioner, blow dry, straightening iron, volume rollers and several types of hair product. Then I start on the face--moisturizer (new step since I am turning 30 in a month) foundation, powder, 2 or three colors of shadow, maybe eyeliner, mascara-never leave home with out it!!!...then deotarant, perfume, floss, toothpaste...all before 7 AM. But, I skip the lotion and live with dry skin as long as I can. Usually until it hurts! I have hit my breaking point...I thought that I would pick up another bottle at the store and it would cure my hurting skin. Then, I decided I would look to see what I had...all of *that*!!! In studying Esther this week, I was challenged to make a list of all the beauty products I own. I am a little embarrassed by the amount of money I have spent on products. It is sad to say that I own a lot...I'd like to think they make a great difference but the truth is... you have to use them!

It is kind of like my relationship with Christ. I have all these devotion books, several versions of the Bible, many ways to connect, but unless I do the thing, apply the principles and live that way...I am still dry and thirsty. If I am not paying attention, I can live in that state...until it hurts. I have had that hurt in the last 6 months- the dry mouth -dehydrating kind of thirst. But, lately, I have been drinking from the well with the Lord. While my daily meetings isn't making my physical skin more hydrated, it is watering my soul and overflowing in my marriage, relationships and job. And... I have started applying the lotion a little more faithfully.

I kissed a boy!

A little back story: My three year old seems to want to get married. This is most likely due to the beautiful dresses that are usually worn in weddings and she is a dressy gal. Every time we pass a certain dress store downtown, she starts talking about getting married. She has asked to marry her daddy... and several other boys, including the neighbors. She even informed our Pastor she was going to get married. He did not discourage this behavior, however, gave her several reasons why it couldn't happen that day. The wedding talk became an obsession, so we created some rules.

Rule #1- you must be at least 17

Rule #2- She must be graduated from High School- see rule #1

Rule #2- you must find Prince Charming and he must ask Dad.


Three simple rules, but for my rule-following daughter, they suffice.

So... this G-I-R-L-Y girl, had been to her cousin's party on Saturday, where she wore her "wedding" dress-- she held it up like a lady walks up as not to trip, what a site for sore eyes, but I am not bias one bit.

I will have to say that she was a bit out of her element on Sunday. When we attended a "boys" party. She wanted to sport her wedding dress again and was terribly upset that I wouldn't let her wear it to the gymnastic birthday party. Going places with Evy is kind of like a crap shoot. I am terribly afraid of her doing something much in character for herself, but quite embarrassing. AND I am much to embarrassed to list the "stuff" she comes up with, but I have great cause to worry about this! She wasn't much intimidated by the party itself, held at a gym full of tumbling equipment including and large wall of mats to climb, followed by swinging on a rope and dropping into a vat of form squares. She did this over and over and over and O-V-E-R again! Who am I kidding, Evy is not intimidated by much. She wasn't much into the presents which I was glad for- monster trucks and Batman, aren't her thing. So I thought I had escaped the opportunity to be embarrassed. She hadn't blown out the birthday boys candles- someone else's kid did that. She hadn't tried to open his presents or take the toys- in fact she sat like a perfect lady on my lap...we were almost done with the party. I was sure I was in the clear. The birthday boy's mom wanted a group picture of all the party-goers. I stood back in awe that my kid was the tallest one there for her age group- the tallest. I was thanking God that maybe He gave her some optimism for height, when she leaned over and KISSED A BOY! Not any boy, but a younger one at that. The moms and dads overlooking chuckled and made remarks. My prayers quickly changed from thanksgiving to petition, "please let us get out of here quick" and became even more fervent when I noticed the video camera catching each kiss, with a little quirky embarrassment, attention seeking grin on her face. So...Evy had her first kiss on Sunday. Boy am I in trouble!!

FYI

For those of you who read posts the other day that "disappeared", I just felt like I wanted to be more of a blessing than a downer. I am still dealing with the "stuff"--people are hurting, but God is near. And I may repost some thoughts in a different light. My goal is to SHINE this year and I felt like the wind knocking out the lights. Today I am feeling great joy and peace about the "life" that is happening around our house these days. God is control. Thank heavens...because I wouldn't have it together!!

Who do you say He is?

Are all world religions basically the same and mostly true? You can ask people questions and you will hear lots of different opinions or forms of their truth. When you talk about world religions, many people will say it doesn't matter what you believe as long as your are sincere. There have to be many ways to God, right? Many paths lead to God-if you are seeking God, even Oprah said that. This is relativism- that there is no absolute truth. What is true for you may not be true for me! It sounds fair, feels kind of right and truthfully what many people believe.

53% of American’s adults believe that if you are generally good you will go to heaven.
43% of born again Christians believe “it doesn't matter what religious faith you follow because all faith teach similar lessons about life"
57% of evangelical church members say that they believe many religions can lead to eternal life

So are all world religions basically the and mostly true? First thought, just because you are sincere, it doesn’t make what you believe true. This goes with what a lot of people believe today...if you are sincere, it is okay. Does this idea apply to American idol tryouts?- those people sincerely believe they can sing…but they can’t. Just think about it? The second thought, "there is truth in many world religions but all the world religions can’t be true" Look at Buddhism these people don’t believe in a god, no final or eternal life exists, and they rely on karma. Take the Hindu followers, they worship an impersonal god who is approached through many sub gods or idols. Unlinke Allah the god of Muslims who is a personal god but has no other sub gods and a ban on all idols. Buddhism and Hinduism rely on karma. Then you have Christianity which gives the potential for forgiveness of sin and supernatural help and the God is a personal god. Buddhist believe there is no god and Jesus said He is the God. Several differences.
Lets look at Jesus- check out what he taught… if the world lived the way Jesus taught the world would be much better. You can look at any gospel and it is full of insights and instructions on how to live. Love you neighbor, feed the hungry, help the widows, obey your parents, love your enemies?
Look at the miracles he performed. He turned water into wine, open blind eyes, opened deaf ears, caused the mute speak, multiplied loaves and fishes, healed the sick. His enemies, the Pharisees never questions the validity of his miracles…they just wanted him to stop. They didn't question it happened...they just wanted it to stop.
Take the Resurrection- foundational part of the Christian faith. Jesus died on the cross and rose on the third day. This sets Christianity apart! Some will argue it didn't happen. The Roman soldiers stole him. But if that happened, when the Christians rejoiced that he was alive don't you think they would have said…ha ha we got you! Another argument, the Disciples stole the body- overpowered those large Roman guards, took the body, hid him, if that were the case, wouldn't the Roman soldiers would have ratted on them? Then I think of the disciples, aside form Judas who committed suicide after the betrayal and John died of old age- all others died the death of the martyr…would you die for a lie?

I can't believe (like most other rational thinking people) that 11 small town.... average.... uneducated men.... devised the most ingenious scheme.... adopted the most daring plan.....pulled it off..... kept it a secret..... all so that they could cheat the world into being a better place...... at tremendous personal cost..... even unto death. Really? You want me to believe that? Could it be true?

Jesus claimed… I am the way and the truth and the light, no one comes to the father expect though me…John 14:6 No one else made this claim. There are several thoughts concerning Jesus. #1 Jesus is a liar. He fooled all the disciples into leaving every thing they owned, walking around for 2 1/2 years teaching. If you believe that then you can't say he is a great moral teacher. And I just think, if he were a liar, wouldn't he have caved. He might have made it though the torturous whipping and beating… but during the nails... he would have caved. Others believe #2 Jesus is a lunatic. Like Hitler, Marshal Applewhite, a crazy man! And #3 Jesus is Lord. He asked Peter. Who do you say that I am?

I want to know: Who do you say he is?

What does your life say?

To me... HE is the ONE who reached into my dark, bitter, angry heart and replaced it with a new one. HE took my filthy life of sin and forgave me- washed me white as snow. With HIS supernatural power enabled me to overcome strongholds and to forgive. HE is the one who took an unfaithful women--Renewed me, filled me with the Holy Spirit, works in and through my life to make me a godly wife and mother.

a recap of Criag's livechurch.tv message for True(ish) this week. a powerful message that has played in my head for days!