Ready or Not?

 

Ok... so I know that I have got to make a change.  I have gained 72lbs in the last 3 years.   YIKES. That is hard to admit.  Notice I didn't say my weight.  I am just not comfortable with that yet. However, my gain is {UNACCEPTABLE} !!

 My plan, with the help of the Australian mates, will be working to get it off and getting healthy.  This isn't just about losing the weight, or being able to shop in a store, do activities more comfortable.  It is more about being a role model for my family, friends, and clients.  It is about learning to love what God has given me and to use those things NOW to their fullest.  It will be about taking care of me and learning to work hard. 

I think that my sister's and I will be having a little friendly competition too...a little money might sweeten the pot.  

And to top it off-- I will be documenting my journey.  The good, the bad and the ugly!! I have lived this crazy, wonderful life and not documented much of it...but this I am going to document this journey, because who knows, one day I might be rich and famous!  More likely I will need a good dose of reality to see how far I have come.  Or...and so when I am old I can remember.

My plan of choice is the Trim Healthy Mama book. 

The PLAN is to stabilize blood sugar by establishing a healthy cycle of eating that includes two basic types of meals:

1.  Satisfying: uses fats for fuel and will include animal proteins, butter, oils, cheeses, nuts, seeds, non-starchy vegetables and berries. A typical "satisfying" meal might include a salad with dressing and cheese, baked chicken, and roasted veggies tossed with butter.
2. Energizing: uses glucose for fuel and will include animal protein and moderate amounts of starch from foods like beans, whole grains, root vegetables and fruits.  A typical "energizing" meal might include whole grain pancakes topped with blueberries, Sugar free maple syrup, and 0% Greek yogurt.

Children and those who are underweight or simply maintaining weight can (and should) mix both fats and glucose in the same meals. But for those who want to break the cycle of sugar spikes and insulin imbalance that are at the root of weight gain and other health issues, the idea is to take turns eating satisfying and energizing meals throughout the week.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

I am about to dump a whole lot of information from my head.  My heart is in a mode of preparation and I am pretty sure that I have wrecked myself-- looking for eternal things and outweighing those troubles.  So the following may include incomplete sentences, incomplete thoughts, some light stuff, some heavy stuff...

You have been warned.

I -- notice a capital i--made a decision to pursue a position working in Tulsa two days a week this summer.  Voluntary work while I finish my degree.  The Lord shut that door.  I am glad.  It has been very difficult to consider a career change.  In Dec. 2013, I will (most likely) graduate with my Master's in counseling and will be able to pursue my LPC license.  I will not be going back to teaching in the public school system.  Hard words for someone who has taught 11 years.  My plans as of now are in the Lord's hands and he hasn't shown me the full picture.  So in this time of recovery, I am in a state of preparation.  I happened up on a book by Jen Hatmaker called 7. I will be cutting out excess over the next few months.  It will begin with clothes.  Jen totally wore only 7 clothes.  I will be cutting out most of my wardrobe in order to focus more on simpler things, less pride and more God. 

I am going to be studying Ephesians.  Not sure what to expect.  I ask that the Lord speak to me and my family through this time of transition. 

Also, I have been having massive pain in my stomach. This is likely a side effect of bulimia.  Possibly an ulcer- who knows?  I am in process of cutting out wheat to see if that might be a solution.  I am terrified that cutting coffee might be the cure. I am sure the Lord will speak to that in the coming months.

Money.  We have some.  We have more than we need. We spend it.  We need to spend less, save more, give more, pay off more.  Dave Ramsey might need to be my friend.  My husband will faint when he hears this.  Again...I am sure this will be dealt with in the coming months as well. 

The road ahead is unclear.  I am keeping on the path. 

This day

I haven't posted in a while.  Most of my time is spent working, cleaning, cooking, chasing toddlers, and going to school.  But this Thanksgiving morning  I awoke to a swarm of thoughts.  It has been 5 years since we lost out little baby at 11 weeks gestation.  I can't even really imagine the life we would have different, but I am so very thankful for the life we live.  I am not dwelling on the one we are missing. Today I am thankful for the 1000+ gifts I will encounter- the sunrise, the warm weather, the family, the friends, the hospital staff, for birthdays, medicine, the food, the lights, the warmth of family, the love, games, sweets, for bikes, and technology, health care, glasses, electricity, my clean- but will be wrecked after the twins awake home, independence, diapers, wipes, toilets, and countless other small wonders that make my life complete.  This day I am most thankful to a God with mercy and grace who loves me where I am- where I will be- and every breath in between.

E-mealz.com

I am loving this meal plan.  I chose a plan for my store and get a detailed list for dinner.

100 Burpee Challenge

I decided to start something a little crazy – the 100 Burpee Challenge! If you don’t know what that is here’s a quick explanation: Starting on day one, do one burpee. On day two, do two burpees and so on. Do this for 100 days in a row. So on the 100^th day you’ll do 100 burpees. When you complete the challenge you will have done a total of 5050 burpees! Here’s the kicker though. If you miss a day, you have to make it up the following day. So if you miss day 60, on day 61 you have to do 60 burpees and 61 burpees. I told you this was a little crazy.

What is a Burpee?
Burpee is an exercise that will work your legs, arms, chest and core all at the same time. It truly is a full body exercise that you can do anywhere. Start out standing straight up. Then squat down and place your hands on the ground. Kick your feet back so that you are in a plank position keeping as straight as possible. Next, perform a standard push-up touching both your chest and thighs to the floor. Return to the plank position and jump your feet back so that you are in the squat position again. Finally, jump into the air and clap your hands over your head. Repeat until you are tired.

Also, I am starting the Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet.  Really this is going to become a new eating plan for my life.  I am having some issues with the insulin resistance and PCOS so this is the healthiest fix for that.  During my recovery from an eating disorder, I have been careful not to stress myself with worrying about a specific eating plan.  But now it is time to start working hard at this.  My sister's wedding is in June and I don't want to take away from her day by my size.

So join me in the 100 burpee challenge on Facebook.  It starts with one...and anyone can do that.  It will  be challenging and such an accomplishment.

It's Fall Ya'll

The days are getting shorter and the nights are getting chilly.  The firepit has been lit a time or two and I am so excited for our upcoming visit to the Corn Maze.    It's fall and it's my favorite time of the year.  I am hoping to take some pictures at the pumpkin patch this week. 

Tonight we are trying a new dish...I don't even know it's name, but it is SUPER easy and I am hopign SUPER good


a bag of frozen chicken
a can of rotel
a can of drained corn
a can of drained and rinsed black beans
regular cream cheese (8oz)

Cook in crock pot for 6-8 hours on low.  Serve over rice or on tortillas

Has it been six weeks?

I didn't realize that it has been six weeks since I last entered a post.  That is way to long, friends.

Life has been busy.  With one year old twins and a summer vacation for the 1st grader I work had at getting some "me" time.  I also got this crazy notion to go back to school.  I have debated what the next phase of life would look like.  I felt like I was needing to move.  God prompting me to do something, but I haven't been comfortable to give my resignation and just go with it.  I started attending classes for graduate school.   I intend to receive a Master's of Counseling, for LPC.  Which means eventually I will have an office with a couch and help people.  I am torn as to the type of counseling I would like to practice.  I see a huge need in my area for an eating disorder clinic, but would also enjoy  to continue working with kids with special needs and families. 

This week we are hosting our friends son since they are away...which means THREE one year olds toddling around the house.

Monday- we had a low key day.  Played outside with the big and littles and then they all took baths.  I went to class in the afternoon while 2 littles slept.

Tuesday- No class today.  All the littles stayed in pjs and we played lots of inside games.  We read books, watched Baby Einstein and had Popsicles.

Wednesday- We took the big and one little to the park for Mcd's lunch.  The other littles slept at home while my mom came to sit with them. 

Thursday- Thursday started kind of crappy.  Literally.  One little removed his diaper and dropped poop "neatballs (evy's words)" on the floor.  Then another little leaked poop on my clothes.  So...I had to do a total cleaning of the floors.  I figured if I had to get out the cleaner for the nursery, I Michael ventured out and took one little and one big to Leonardo's for some water and museum fun.  I went to class and mom watch two littles.  Later I took the boys to the grocery store- we needed milk and bread.  He took the girls to the movie store.  Then we ALL went and ate chinese food.  I know it was insane, but we took 3 adults and 4 kids out to dinner.

Today....we don't have much plans.  I think the big is going to the movie tonight...should be fun.

Mother's Day

I have thought all day about some awesome acrostic poem I could write that would do this whole day justice.  I can't really thing of the right words to spell M-O-T-H-E-R and give it the right amount of meaning.  Life with a mom or as a mom is more than 7 words. 

This morning was a busy day.  I have dreamed/hoped for the last month that today would be celebrated with my children on their best behaviors, no crying, no arguing.   I could sleep late and eat breakfast in bed.  My family would have gifts and chocolate. I would be able to sit in my chair and not change diapers or fix meals...just be still and adored.  But the job of a mom isn't that.  It is not adorable.  I am sure that deep down the kids will/do appreciate what I do, but it is my job as the mom.  It is expected.  I signed up for it- well most of it anyway.

This morning I cleaned out the van to get ready to go on our quick trip, adjusted a car seat, cooked the food for lunch, loaded the diaper bags, packed the MD presents and essential trip items, woke the kids, got them bathed, dressed, and  fed.  Did a load of laundry, started a load of dishes, swept the floor and got ready for church- all by myself.  I also woke up Michael, helped find his clothes...and grabbed a cup of coffee and banana as I loaded the kiddos in the car 25 minutes before church started hoping to stop for gas on the way. I manged to scarf down my banana during the offering. 

It was the same as any other Sunday.  I was blessed to sit next to my oldest daughter and worship the Lord.  As I dressed this morning, I wore the earrings that my sweet MIL helped her pick out for my present this year.  I wore two necklaces...one representing my three children living and the one that reminds me of the sweet one in heaven.  Boy today I missed that fourth child.  I caught myself thinking about how blessed I was as they all three took a bath together...stair step of heights in the bath.  I thought that I closed my eyes yesterday...and time flew past.  I couldn't help but wonder what liveliness that fourth little babe would bring to our hectic schedule.  The thoughts of that sweet babe didn't linger long...I pushed them away, enjoying my blessing and thanking God that sweet (but greatly missed) babe is spending eternity with Him. 

The rest of the day was spent eating and talking with my mom and sisters and family.  We listened to screaming kids laughing as they played in the water.  We hugged Madelyn as she is terrified of dogs and kept each one safe.  The played with balls and dressed up...we listened to stories and laughed.  We shopped.  We talked sports and politics.  We changed diapers, played on the floor, cleaned up messes.  We learn each day to appreciate the hard work that our Mom did years ago.  I hope that she sees us as good moms and knows that she is the reason for our success!

This afternoon, I couldn't help but smile as I fetched the babies bottles...today was one of the best days I have had in a while!  Oh how I wish it could last just a little longer....

I work 24 hours a day. I am a mom... I am an alarm clock. a cook. a maid. a teacher. a nanny. a nurse. a handyman. a security officer. a photographer. a counselor. a taxi driver.  an ATM. a jungle gym. a comforter. I don't get holidays, sick pay or days off. I work through the DAY & NIGHT. I am on call at ALL hours & I get paid in hugs & kisses-
and it is all worth it!!!

What a difference a year makes!

On April 12, 2010 at 9:16 am Madelyn entered the world weighing 6lbs 4.5oz.  She was 19.5 in long!  A minute later at 9:17 her brother Jackson joined our family.  He was a bit bigger tipping the scale at 6lbs 10.8 oz and 19 3/4 in long. These little ones were both bigger than their eldest sister (6lbs 4oz, 18in) 

A year later...
Madelyn is 24lbs and 30.25 in- falling in the 90+%tile for her age.  Jackson weighs 20lbs and is 30 inches long (he's in the 20th and 40th%tile)  Both of them are walking and self feeding- even like to use a spoon themselves.  We switched to milk about a month ago and they are doing great with sippy cups.  Jackson has 1 tooth and getting two more. Madelyn hasn't really shown signs of teeth yet.  They say "mama, dada" regularly.  Maddy has been known to say "stop and no".  Jackson loves to be outside and to be help. Madelyn is afraid of the dog and rarely will walk outside.  For their birthday we received several swimming suits (thanks to their beautiful aunts) and we can't wait to hit up the splash park this summer.  We have been going to the playground and playing in the sand.  They aren't fans of walking in it and still eat it occasionally (better than bugs or rocks).  They have one friend Titus and Maddy loves to follow him around and steal his cup- even if she has her own. 

I am amazed at how different a year makes.  I never thought I could survive it- but now that it is over, it wasn't that bad.  I am so blessed by my three children!

Happy Birthday Babies

Our day was filled with...

 cake: a delish masterpiece

 cupcakes: more scrumptious morsels for the mouth

  timeline: pictures chronologicially the months of growing up

  Happy Birthday!

 Jackson

 Madelyn

 Singing

eating cake



fun with props!!

We celebrated the twins birthday with photograph themed party on 4-9. Their actual b-day was April 12.  They day is not complete without fun photobooth shots and opening present.  I'm not sure how a year passed by so quickly, but it was definitely a great way to celebrate our wonderful blessings with friends and family.

The ABC’s of me…

After several weeks of not blogging...we are in the midst of remodeling and serious repainting.  My kids b-day is coming soon and I have been enjoying time walking to prepare for the 10.3 mile run in 5 weeks.  I thought his was kind of cool.

1. Age: 32
2. Bed size: King...enough for us and the kids
3. Chore you hate: cleaning toilets and putting away laundry.
4. Dogs:  We have a dachshund named Pretzel
5. Essential start to your day: Coffee!!!
6. Favorite color: I would now have to say green.
7. Gold or silver: Silver. I have always thought gold was gaudy.
8. Height:5'4'"
9. Instruments that you can play: I used to play the flute, would love to learn the guitar
10. Job title: Special Education Teacher for Pre-K developmental delayed students.
11. Kids: 3- one 5 year old and 11 month old twins
12. Live: Oklahoma
13. Mom’s name: Evelyn
14. Nicknames: Amy, Mom, honey
15. Overnight hospital stays: Childbirth- twice
16. Pet peeve: whistling bothers me sometimes
17. Quote from a movie: 
18. Righty or lefty: Righty.
19. Sibling: Two sisters...younger than me but taller
20. Time you wake up:  several times during the night, but for the morning about 5:45
21. Underwear:Yes
22. Vegetables you dislike:  Eggplant
23. What makes you run late:  Kids or clothing choices.
24. X-rays: dentist, foot
25. Yummy food you make: I make lots of yummy things- especially homemade pizza.
26. Zoo favorite animal:Giraffes

Auction!

Our Youth Group will be having an auction in a few weeks to raise money for events and trips for the youth to serve people and learn.  If you are interested in donating items (or time) please let me know and I can get you hooked up.  I am planning on making some items (headbands, baby items, and scarves).  I will be posting items that I am donating  next week- if you are interested in purchasing from me, proceeds will go toward the Auction!

If my friend does a "dessert of the month" you should plan to stand in line behind my husband because he is all about that!

birthday thanks

It has been pretty busy around our house lately and will be even busier this week with parent-teacher conferences.  This is the week that I always reconsider working.  I love my job but not necessarily the long hours on conference days.  Yesterday was my birthday and I was definitely showered by love and blessings.  I am so thankful for all the cards, presents, texts and facebook posts wishing me Happy Birthday!  It was a great day.  After spending a few weeks eating healthier and working out, I took a break from it and enjoyed coke, chimichangas and cake for my 32nd birthday.  Thanks to my friend Kerrie for the wonderful cake.  My husband was definitely a huge fan of the cake and is trying to figure out how to merge her baking skills into my body. 

We were able to head to my sister's new place and meet up with some friends for his 30 year b-day party of Friday night.  I love spending time with family and friends and even though the trip was short- the memories are many.  Please say special prayers for my friend and her husband as they begin a difficult but awesome journey in their life.  Ask the Lord to protect her health, her mentality, and heal her heart as she prepares for the next adventure.  The Lord is so good.  I was so happy to spend the morning worshipping.  I was so thankful and humbled in church yesterday.  Tears flooded my eyes with Joy and Admiration because God loves me...He has a plan for me...it was all too overwhelming.

While I might someday spend my b-day wasting away in the sun on a warm beach or spending massive amounts of money, the best was spending it with friends and family.  We ate lunch together.  Later our home groupies came over for a cookout.  It was full of conversation and study in the Word.  I am not one to pretend that I know everything about the Bible, so I am loving the scholars of the Word that God has so gracious crafted for our Sunday night meetings.  I love it!!!  They were so thoughtful and giving.  I am still not sure I deserve to be this blessed!  So...my journey to 1000 things continues...

72.  birthdays
73.  unexpected "good" news
74.  answered prayers
75.  Our Pastor
76.  cake
77.  7 passenger vehicles
78.  weekends
79.   predictable birthday cards and unexpected cards
80.  I love getting mail.
81. the grant being funded for my classroom and my new digital camera
82.  a wonderful husband who spoils me daily
83.  Jillian Michael- while I won't admit to loving it...I am happy that I have something to workout with at home- tough and short
84.  the teacher at school offering up her time to lead workout classes for FREE for teachers
85. new running shoes
86. walking at the mall

Joyful thanksgiving...

I have been challenged to think of 1000 things I am thankful for based on this life changing book.  Life gets busy and I don't always get to post but I have been keeping journal pages...

Here are some things that brought joy to my day, a smile to my face, and bubbled thanksgiving from my heart from this week...

55. warmer weather
56.  melted snow
57.  The Biggest Loser Wii game
58.  flip flops, hairclips, and fun scarves
59. new clothes and shopping with friends
60. new stroller and days at the park
61. first steps- Jackson's first on 2-14-11
62. chocolate hearts
63.  snuggling with my husband
64. shopping with my oldest daughter
65.  Christian music
66. laughing babies- all three laughing in the backseat of the car is precious
67.  perfect check-ups with the surgeon
68.  Jessica and Brooke
69.  Kerrie
70.  our home group posse
71.  baby shoes

Is beauty a look or a feeling?

This week I have felt really out sync.  I have wrestled with these swirling thoughts in my head.  On one hand I want to look different, have the scale say a different number...on the other hand, carrots don't taste like chocolate and chocolate is good!  I wanted to believe my husband when he told me I looked beautiful before leaving one morning, but it seemed more like habit, since he didn't even have his glasses on and had just opened his sleepy eyes.  Thoughts swirling, "Shouldn't I just be content with what I have instead of obsessed with what I look like.  But...shouldn't I strive to eat healthy because my body is a temple of God."  It is this back and forth mental beating.  But...it all boils down to..."what do I want and why?"  I want to be happy with the way I look.  So what would that take?  Let's see...body like Jennifer Aniston, wardrobe like Meg Ryan, hair like Julia Roberts.  But...these are standards set by the world. 

These are the standards set by God.

1 Samuel 16:7

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.

What it means: The world focuses on what people look like on the outside. God focuses on what people look like on the inside. Do I put more time and effort into being pretty on the outside or the inside? I am always meeting Christian girls who spend more time trying to find the perfect outfit, get the perfect tan, find the perfect lip gloss, and have the perfect body. While there's nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty, I need to make sure it's in balance. God would rather see me work on becoming drop-dead gorgeous on the inside. You know, the kind of girl who talks to Him on a regular basis (prayer) and reads her Bible.

Proverbs 31:3
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

What it means: Beauty fades with age, so if I are more concerned with your outer appearance, I will be unhappy when the wrinkles come and the number on the scale goes up. In fact, I have already been there.  My hands look older, my legs aren't as pretty, the stretch marks are visible.  That is why God wants me to "fear" Him. That doesn't mean to be afraid of Him but rather to be in awe of Him and all that He has done. If you think of it this way...stand two girls next to each other and one is Miss USA whose beauty is limited to physical beauty, and the other young lady is a more average-looking girl who loves the Lord more than anything, she is the more beautiful girl in the eyes of God. I want to be more beautiful in the eyes of the Lord.

1 Peter 3:3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

What it means: I think this means it's not wrong to braid your hair or wear nice clothes and jewelry. The verse was written to warn women not to follow the customs of some of the Egyptian women who, during that time period, spent hours and hours working on their hair, makeup, and finding the perfect outfit. God would rather see women work on becoming beautiful on the inside — the kind of beauty that lasts forever.

1 Timothy 4:8

Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises a reward in both this life and the next.

What it means: Exercising and staying in shape is a good thing, but God expects us to stay in shape spiritually by reading our Bibles, praying, and going to church on a regular basis. In other words, there will be plenty of people who put their time and effort into staying in shape but who are out of shape spiritually. If they don't know Jesus Christ, their perfect bodies won't get them through the gates of heaven. Right now, it seems more important to spend time on my relationships then obsessing about exercising.

 
I have come to realize that I don't do something average...it is either nothing or everything.  I become "addicted" to whatever I pursue.  If it is eating, it becomes my major focus. If it is exercising, it becomes the only thing I do.  It is all about balance and I don't seem to be good at balance. I want to in a way that is pleasing and beautiful to God while managing to cloth myself in a way that makes myself feel beautiful.

So, is beauty a look or a feeling? By definition, beauty is a noun... a person, place or thing.  You can have a beautiful person, a beautiful building... beauty is a thing.  It is what we do &  how we present ourselves.  The world teaches us to focus on outward appearance, but Jesus taught to focus on the heart.  To live according to the scripture and to be on guard (guard my heart, guard my thoughts, be alert to Satan's trap, be on guard for the return of Christ).  I don't want my appearance (outward or inward) to take  the focus off the Lord.

Some adaptations from 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney c. 2008 B&H Publishing Group.

One thousand gifts...

After several snow days and some 24 hours stomach bug last week...

35. get well soon card sent from the hospital staff
36. insurance
37.  Starbucks
38. Chick-Fil-a
39. conversations with Michael while babies chat
40. Facebook
41. unexpected mail
42. a winter coat
43. snow day (#1-5)
44. sweet ice tea
45. dreams, hopes and ideas (however crazy they may be)
46. cleaning supplies
47. washing machines
48. cry babies-learning to communication
49.  first words
50. first steps
51. diapers
52. coupons
53. tax returns
54. antibiotics

{beauty} made for so much more than all of this

My husband tells me that I am beautiful....
... even with the extra pounds and stretch marks from fertility drugs, pizza, ice cream and babies.
...even with no shower, boogers in my hair, puke on my shoulder...he still says it.

but

I

don't

believe

him.

This topic seems to be nailing me lately...through a Bible study at church that I am avoiding, books I am choosing, the scriptures passages, blogs I read...I have been constantly smacked with the idea of beauty.

Beauty
(from Julia and Melissa's blogs) 

This one word haunts women everywhere regardless of location or culture or even socioeconomic status. Himba women in Africa smooth their hair into elaborate dreadlocks with the clay from the earth and rub their skin down with it until they appear wholly red-brown burnished and lovely. Women in China, once obsessed with the beauty of small feet, would bind their feet until bones broke and their feet were permanently deformed; the most beautiful feet were a mere 3 inches. American women starve themselves to be as thin as the Photoshop edited models; and as they age they resort to tummy tucks and Botox and expensive creams hoping to achieve the impossible standard of Beauty.

Our hearts were made to crave Beauty.
But what is Beauty? And does it reside in me?

And when my husband says that I’m beautiful, how can I receive those words as truth in a culture that says the opposite?

What am I going to teach my daughters about Beauty?
And most importantly, what does the Word of God say about Beauty?
I am joining Julia and Melissa,  fellow moms of twins, as they explore  True Beauty each Friday.

So today I am beginning to explore beauty.  I think that my brain is conditioned to "feel" beautiful rather than recognizing where beauty comes from.  Last year, I quit buying magazines- no Cosmo, Shape, Fitness.  It has made a big difference in how I feel about myself.  For more than 12 months, I  have fasted from images of  "Babylon" during and after my study in Daniel.  It just kind of stuck and I was much happier not feeling the need to conform to women in the magazine...plus I was pregnant with the twins, so that helped.  I have always struggled a battle with my weight and it has brought me to very low places.  I have tried many things to lose and what I end up losing is hope and willpower...only to feel defeated and trampled down.  I am beginning to realize that  maybe it is more of spiritual battle as well as a mental battle.  I am wondering...how can I accept that I am beautiful in the ways that God made me beautiful without feeling the need to conform to that of "Babylon"?  I think of that Mercy Me song...  Here Bart talks about the message behind the music he wrote with his daughters in mind.

Days will come when you don't have the strength

And all you hear is you're not worth anything

Wondering if you ever could be loved

And if they truly saw your heart

They'd see too much

You're beautiful, You're beautiful

You are made for so much more than all of this

You're beautiful, You're beautiful

You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His

You're beautiful

Praying that you have the heart to fight

Cuz you are more than what is hurting you tonight

For all the lies you've held inside so long

But they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful, You're beautiful

You are made for so much more than all of this

You're beautiful, You're beautiful

You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His

You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath

Long before the world began

Of all the wonders He possessed

There was one more precious

Of all the earth and skies above

You're the one He madly loves

Enough to die!

You're beautiful, You're beautiful

In His eyes

You're beautiful!

You are made for so much more than all of this

You're beautiful!

You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His

You're beautiful!

You are made for so much more than all of this

You're beautiful!

You are treasured

You are sacred

You are His

The girl from church...

There is a girl from our church.  I don't know much about her.  I don't know much about her family.  She is beautiful and kind.  She is soft spoken and elegant.  When she was in college, I sent her a care package.  I admired her voice and her relationship as she sang duets with her father in church.  Since then, she has grown up.  Over the last months I have spent hours praying for her... I guess this makes you feel closer. She isn't my friend, although she could be.  In 2007 she married.  Last May, her husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  After a many treatments, I felt hope as I prayed for them.  Then she was pregnant.  I don't remember all the details, but it seemed that little boy's heart had a hole, which eventually healed.  He was born healthy.  Praise the Lord.  This last week I felt a strong burden for her, her family, and the journey of cancer.  Since Christmas Eve, her husband has battled the end stages of cancer.  I would wake at night and pray for peace.  For them to have plenty of pictures and video so that little boy will be able to "know" his Daddy when he is older.  I prayed for a miracle.  I prayed for healing.  I prayed for preparation.  I prayed for their hearts to be full of his/HIS love.  I know the Lord has given them plenty of mercy and grace.  She is a strong woman. She is surrounded by family.  This morning her husband was healed as he entered the gates of heaven.  I know her days are difficult.  Please join me in praying.  She isn't just a girl from my church.  Her name is Laura  and her son is Landon. 

multitude Monday

20. peaceful Saturdays
21. dinner with friends
22. sweet tea
23. coffee with friends
24. more connecting
25. late night conversations with my husband
26. tax refunds
27. home improvement projects
28. dinosaurs
29. Grandparents stopping by
30.  Hoover Floormate
31. 100 days of school
32. haircuts
33. learning the books of the New Testament
34.  reading books

One thousand gifts...

I have been challenged to acknowledge big and small gift from our Creator.  This last week has been more difficult and easier than I expected.  I thought now would be a good time to join the many who celebrate multitude on Mondays.

**I ordered the book and will begin the study with Bloom in a few weeks...join me here!

1. successful surgery for my Little Guy
2. sleeping in my own bed
3. no cavities!
4.  coffee
5.  and hazelnut creamer
6. grandparents
7. conversation with friends
8. laughing with family
9. my car
10.  warm coats
11.  snow
12. flexibility
13.  my lovely husband who takes care of me
14.  matress warmers
15.  good books (Recently: Plan B by Pete Wilson and  I will Carry You by Angie Smith)
16. my job
17.  my husband and his willingness to stay home with my children
18. pretty headbands
19. sisters and "sisters"