Isn't it Friday yet?

That was the question I was asking myself on Monday afternoon. Today is Wednesday night, so officially I am past the half way point. I think I can make it. This week was SUPER packed. Monday was a stressful IEP in the morning and a meeting afterschool to plan the presentation. Tuesday was a SUPER stressful IEP meeting in the afternoon and then presentations to parents from 6-8 in the evening. Today, I had another presentation to teachers scheduled (they cancelled- but rescheduled for next week)so I went to the faculty meeting... then church/Bible Study... It just seems to be jam packed. I am looking forward to the weekend and a reprieve from meetings.

I did all my "homework" for the Bible Study this week! Aren't you proud of me? It didn't seem hard to fit it in and I definitely learned a lot. I didn't know that Abraham lied about his relationship with Sarai to the Pharaoh and Pharaoh lived with her as his wife for a while... imagine that camel ride home after being sent away from Pharaoh's land. Anger, silence, tears... and such shame between man and wife. I am still in awe that Abram is 75 years old during these chapters of Genesis. It makes me think of John McCain and his run for the Presidency. He is about that old. or young? I only hope that I am not 75 when God decides that he is going to give me his blessing, maybe bestow a nation.

In Bible Study tonight, Beth talked about God taking your "from" somewhere and then "to" another place. I really feel like God has taken me "from" my complacent and angry self and is in the process of taking me "to" somewhere else, but I am just sitting waiting for the destination to be revealed. I still live in this land of wonder. I wonder why? bad things happen, children die, accidents occur, bad circumstances happen, etc. The answers fall in between God is Sovereign and God's love is Unconditional. I am not sure those chapters will ever be revealed on Earth... so I am just trusting and believing that God's plan is the best plan.

So... what am I searching for: peace, patience, and direction! Dear Lord, grant me the peace to trust your plan, patience to wait for your timing, and steer me in the direction of your voice.

What is Ur to me?

Last night I attended the first women's Bible study for the Patriachs series. Truthfully, it was my first women's study in about 7 years...is that right? Anyway, it was an impressive account of the ancestory of Jews/Hebrews leading to my spirital ancestory. I learned some new things and was refreshed on some old Hebrew. I am definately getting my Bible and Lexicon back from the seminary student I let borrow it.

I began Day 1 of Week 1 today on my homework. I followed Beth's advice highlighted the different towns and people in Gen. 12 to keep it all straight. I read the scriptures when God told Abram to leave... and go. He didn't really know where is was going... but he went. I began to wonder if I would have have traveled like Abram. So many times God has said..."do this" and I hesitate. But Abram took his wife and nephew on a promise that God would "make a great nation and him famous..." MAJOR ISSUE: his wife was barren... How is this going to work? But, I have been on that side of the card...following God's words and not knowing how it was going to happen. AND He kept his promise!!

So the challenge of the study: leading me far away from my "urs" the land of comfort and routine. God is never aimless... there is a reason for this study at this time in my life. God is calling me to leave my rut and "go" to the glace He will show us. I have 55 days to figure out where it will be. I am pumped!

I love the fair....

Tonight after I whipped up a quick dinner, I asked Michael if we wanted to take Evy out to the petting zoo at the fair. I really didn't know what to expect, but knew it would be some free entertainment for her. He had to work later and then I am leaving for the game, so some fun family time was in order. But when we got there she was immediately drawn to the ferris wheel. We didn't even make it out of the car before she was talking about it. So we bought some tickets. First she rode the carousel and then we walked down the games lane. Evy wanted to do the fishing game and so we let her. She caught 6 sharks and won a stuffed alligator. Then we went inside to see the petting zoo and duck exhibit.

We had invited our neighbors and they met up with us. We walked around all the exhibits talking and catching up with friends we haven't seen in a while. Surprisingly, I knew lots of people at the fair. Usually when we go out, everyone knows Michael and his family. But, I guess now I have lived here long enough and met enough people that I run into people I know.

I guess I never really paid attention to all that could be entered in the fair. As we walked around the cut flowers, veggies, and children's art work, I was a little sorry that we didn't submit anything. Evy's art was better than some participants. And my zuchinnis and okra were better looking too... next year I think I will enter the fair.

So... then we went back outside and rode the ferris wheel. We got almost to the top when Michael said, I remember why I don't like this... it was funny. I don't think Evy realized how high she was because she couldn't see well. I didn't care so much for the rocking of car when the wheel stops but it only happened once for us. Then it was off to the teacups to spend our last few tickets. She had fun getting dizzy.
As we walked by the food stand, Evy said she wanted a hotdog. So we got in line and ordered a corn dog and a funnel cake. She muched on this HUGE corn dog for her "bedtime" snack as we went home. It was sure a lot of fun.

Hurt? It's an understatement!

So today is BY FAR the worst pain for my weight lifting extravaganza... but I am glad I did it. No Pain, no Gain, right?

So... I pushed the envelope a little on Michael's statement about not going back to OKC. I was right... He doesn't want me to be moody or in pain. It isn't that he doesn't want to have another baby, he wants me to not be hurting. He knows I am a little nervous about it to, because I remember it. The shots themselves, not painful, it is what they do to your body that has consequences. Really, I am in a pretty good place. I am enjoying the time I have with Evy and realizing that #1 I have no control and #2 it could be MUCH worse, which has given me a different attitude.

Today was Evy's first day at her "new" gymnastics class. It is during the day and out sweet friend/ex-babysitter takes her. But, I missed out of getting to see the facility and the routine. I will get filled in later, but it made me a little sad. Monday she starts ballet and tap. Michael will take her to that, so I am anixous to hear how it goes. Evy also starts Awana's next week. Can you believe it? She is old enough to start memorizing Bible verses. Truthfully, I have been careful what I push on her, because she is already pretty smart-- and she will forever fight the teacher's kid sterotype. I want her to have to work for some things. We have told Bible Stories and prayed together, but I haven't started any quoting to her yet.

My students at school have been terrible this week and don't want to work... so we packed up the toys and carpet today to make a point. You don't know what you miss until it is gone. So tomorrow, they will earn their center toys by good behavior. I am REALLY hoping it doesn't backfire. I also have to go out to the mental hospital to do a change of placement on one of my students... Can you believe a Kindergartener in residential hospital placement.... so very sad. But, at least they are getting the help they need. So... tomorrow is Friday... one day of work and then packing for a weekend with FAMILY and FOOTBALL. I can't wait!

OMG! I'm gonna hurt...

So... I was into punishing myself today and went to a "group power" class with a co-worker. I would have orginally said friend... but tomorrow she may just be a co-worker for talking me into such foolishness. While it felt awesome to be doing squat after squat, lunge after lunge, 50+ bicep curls, triceps extensions and ab, abs and more abs... I think I won't be thinking awesome tomorrow. I am beginning to hurt now, just 30 minutes after finishing... what will happen tomorrow?

Three of my blog friends are now expecting... can you believe it? Congrats to them. Michael told me the other day that he didn't want me to go back to OKC and get the shots. I see his point. It is painful. I am moody. So, we are kind of back to square one. One part of me thinks that I am fine with waiting. Giving it until Evy is 6- if we haven't concieved by then adopt a child. But part of me wants to try again and is teary sad that it hasn't happened. I thought I had given it to God. I thought that we had made the choice to take the birth control break and try one more time... So what makes it different now? So... I am facing the new challenge of figuring out what do AGAIN... I think it is an overthought concept... just let it go!!

The Gym

Yesterday was my first day back to the gym since I was pregnant last fall. It was great. I did my best mile pace on the treadmill and then some bike work alternating with weight. I woul have loved to stay longer, but... home awaits with dinners, dishes and work. So I left and went home. I was thinking of going again tonight, but Michael has to work the overnight shift, so I will go tomorrow with Evy.

But as I was doing my interval walk/running on the treadmill, the ipod pumped out my current favorite Christian artist:NeedToBreath. This was the lyrics. It hit me in a place that needed some work... giving me permission to "keep runnning my current race" and not focusing on the pasts anger and feelings of guilt associated with my walk over the last few months... I will try to find some sound to link up!

Take another step
Don’t give up on me just yet
We could take a chance
We could find a child’s romance
At least we’d love until we can’t

I wont run when it looks like love
I won’t hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone

I wont run when it looks like love
I can’t spend another night alone
Regretting what I’ve done
So, I won’t run

The breeze can only be
When she overcomes the heat
Our hearts can only shake
When there’s risk that they could break
Yeah it’s a chance that I will take

Raise your head
Its time to say
Those words that I have left unsaid
I’ve slept through the sunrise
And I turned
Away every time it got bright

Life with Imaginary Friends

I have a 3 year old... she is very social, bossy, talkative and imaganitive. Put those all together and you have the makings of imaginary friends. She has begun to talk about people and things that aren't there. It started with the crocodiles that live under her bed, then the elephants that came at night. All normal right? Well, now she has (at least) 2 friends. Erna and Daniel. Erna came to the grocery store with us the other day. They sat in the blue car cart and Grandma buckled the BOTH in... that is when I knew it was getting to be a "thing". I hadn't heard much about Daniel until last night. I guess Daniel plays with her at the office. But, last night he joined us in the shower... except he was kind of naughty and was throwing the shampoo bottle and ducks on Evy's head. I asked her if she told him to stop and she said, "he won't". This is very serious business to her, so I dare not laugh... but I am dying on the inside. So where do you draw the line. In some cases (other than Daniel's naughtiness last night) these "friends" coiuld be spirits that I think babies/kids are aware of that adults miss. Evy's guardian Angels, perhaps?

So... do I have an imaginary friend? Not like Evy, but yes I have this friend, who can't be phyisically seen and doesn't speak to others like he talks to me. He stays close by my side, at the grocery store, in the car, and even in the shower too! He wants to be around, but am Iinviting him to "play" enough? I guess I should be playing more with my friend!