Who's sick now?

What a crazy few weeks... Michael's dad has been crazy sick for about 4 years- baffling doctors even at Mayo Clinic. FINALLY they have figured out the problem. For lack of time and characters- it is a rare liver diease (nodular regentative hyperplasia) usually conected with cancer. So after much testing and about 2 weeks in the hospital he will undergo a procedure today that will either start the recovery process or send him onto emergency liver transplant list. What a lot of aniexty to be facing. Michael and I have been traveling down to OKC to see him, but with work, a 24 hour business to run, and a toddler- the trips are hard and tiring.

On Martin Luther Kings birthday celebration, I dodged sitting in professional meetings all day to endure a day of my sister's emergency surgery. She had an apendix flare up beginning Sunday night and then surgery on Monday morning- about 12 hours later. What a trooper! She kept waking up and saying "this is so crazy" Which was my thoughts exactly. To be quite honest- it was kind of a fun day. Minus the puking. She was hopped up on anethestic and drugs saying crazy things, her husband sleeping at home, and Evy drawing on the floor of the hospital. It was nice to know that she was going to be okay-- if they could control her pain.

All of this overshawdows, my National Board Certification Ceremony- and bonus check recieving! As well as my job change preparation. I will be changing jobs in March and going back to Special Education to teache preschool. Oh, what a change from my 4th graders. I have drafted (or begun to draft) the letter to my parents several times in my head. Nothing sounds appropriate to break the news to 25 parents that I am leaving in four weeks. It just doesn't seem right to be leaving kids in the middle of the year. Lots of teachers do it for their good reasons. I have a good reason too! But, in some small way I feel like I will be letting them down. What do I own them? I am sure the stress of THESE 28 (now 25) kids caused some issues that may have contributed the miscarriage. I know that it has taken time away from my family to plan, grade, and council children. I have been yelled at, door slammed, called a witch. Really a witch- they thought because I could tell someone was out of their seat without 'looking up' that I was a witch. They talk, don't care about school work-- and several will FAIL the test in April. The saddest part is that they have not let me form bonds with them or maybe I haven't because I knew I could be leaving. So... as our safe counselor says... you have to do what is right for you. And there are SO many reasons why this is right.

Tempin' Tuesday

So this morning the alarm went off and Michael said it is time to get up. I laid in bed through a few more snoozes, then I took my temp and got ready for school! I remembered something before I was awake. That tells me two things... #1- I am NOT pregnant and #2 Something is wrong with me. I am never the type of person who can remember stuff like that. Especially in the morning before school. Nothing much more happened today. Gigi found out she is pregnant. What a great thing for our group. That means three down and a FEW left to go. I am still praying for a Dec. 08 baby. Not that a Nov. one would be bad, but December would be a sweet promise, fufilled. Off to bed... this sick body needs rest.
Parenting class begins tomorrow-- so I am sure that I will have something more interesting to say.

AAHH! Monday...

Well, the alarm clock beeped at me again, today. Well actually it makes kind of a sick goose honking sound. Which doesn't seem to wake me up easily. So it is Monday! And I rushed around to get ready for school. Not too bad of a day really, especially since I had a terrible headache. We spent Sunday night with family and working on lesson plans. But... I am really looking forward to Friday. I get to see my sister's apartment, plus I get paid. I will get to a little much needed retail therapy. Michael and I went to Wal-mart to pick up a new trash can and trash bags which he equated to good retail therapy for me. I guess when I said, I like to buy things... he thought essentials. While the trash can is a good thing, it is not exactly what I was in the market for. Other essentials (purses and cars) could be considered retail therapy. But not necessities like milk and pantyliners. I was in the market for a nice pair of brown boots or trousers. Maybe a hooded sweater jacket.

I recieved a phone call at school. I kind of dread phone calls when they intrupt the quietness of the 3:05 bell to say I have a phone call. Usually it is some parent who is questioning something or is upset. Today, it wasn't. It was another teacher who is working on her national baord certification. She said she spoke with regional coordinator and aparently, I (little ol' me) is the only MC Generalist certified in the region. THAT IS HUGE! Unbelievably huge. So we are meeting for coffee tomorrow-- so she can pick my brain. I am going to go look over my stuff so I will feel prepared!

It's a virtue, you know!

So I guess I am learning to be patient... or maybe it is just to listen and trust the Lord. After the miscarriage, I thought that we would be blessed with a December baby. Just a feeling/thought after some prayer time. I was really hoping it would be this month- a little earlier. However, I think that AF is arrived, so it will have to wait. I am fine with waiting because of God's timing. However, I would feel much happier pregnant. That makes me think that I need to be happy about the circumstance before it happens again? I say that I am fine with it, but I am still not totally fine. I am still a little in bewildered/questioning it, then when I start down that path, anger floods in. I am a little angry that it happened to me. I know that their may just be 1 reason- to help another person, to feel more compastionate, because of something 20 years down the road-- the reason doesn't really matter, but sometimes I think it I knew it, it would be better. I am assured that God did it for greater good. Protecting me or someone else from something tradgic. I am just going to practice waiting on the Lord.

Week One down...

So the first offical week back at school was a little devestating. Wednesday, one of the pregnant teachers (KT) was talking about her ultrasound after faculty meeting. KT's due date was changed-- as she is now due June 21-- so that would have made THREE ladies in our building due in the same week. She found out it was a boy. So I had a mini-breakdown afterschool. I am sure it will not be the last over the course of the next weeks. The other girl (TS) who is in my room everyday is looking more and more pregnant. Since Michael and I bought the baby doppler just a few days before my miscarriage, I decided to let her use it. He was a little sad, but it has a purpose and someone should have a little joy... and when I need it back, she will be happy to give it back. So I am officially waiting to test to see if I might be pregnant this month-- can test on Tuesday. I am pretty sure it will be a no, but who knows. A pleasant surprise would be nice.

In addition to the breakdown, my class was a mess. One student was suspended for stealing a class ring from another student's house and then giving it away at school. (NOT SMART) He was gone since Monday. Then on Wednesday, one students was pushing all my buttons. Pretending to throw knives at people, talking in the hall, yelling at people, running and jumping in the classroom, not following directions, the list goes on. I finally got fed up because my discipline wasn't phasing him and sent him to the office. He had been warned that his transfer would be revoked, so he is now gone. Yesterday a student left the classroom with the bus riders and was unaccounted for. This morning he lied to me about his whereabouts. I sent him to the office. He tried to run away... and now is suspended until Tuesday. It is REALLY sad that these students have such problems. We might actually learn something besides~ how many ways can Mrs. Hartling say "be quiet" politely.

Wednesday the twins were born. 1-09-08 at 7:41 a.m. Hayden was 5lbs 4oz and Hyden was 5lbs 1 oz. Amazing birthweights since they were about a month early. I wished I was in that spot... just for a moment. Then I thought two boys would be quite the challenge. When we were trying to get pregnant the first time, a lady Michael worked with was praying for us and she said that she felt like we would have one... then twins. I kind of blew it off at the time-- didn't really think about it with Evy. But in Oct. I was impatiently awaiting the ultrasound to check it out. It was only one-- but what a blessing it would be now. I know that twins won't replace the baby Autumn we lost, but it sure would make me feel more whole and less cheated.

Michael's dad had to get another 3 units of blood this week, so that means the the surgery that would "fix" the loss of blood didn't work. He called OKC and will see the doctor on Tuesday. Amazing how in Nov. it took over 6 weeks to get and appointment and now it took 48 hours. Evy and I pray everynight to "help Grandpa Sugar get better". In other health related new, my neice will have tubes put in 2 days after her first birthday. Poor thing has to wait for two weeks-- I am praying that her pressure and pain will ease up and she will be able to sleep. (for her mom's sake)
Okay... speaking of sleep... maybe I should get some. I am beat! But, I will go lay in that bed and toss and turn. I have been working on those big projects (movie and yearbook) and seem to push through that first wave of sleepyness and then can't fall asleep. I am almost finished with both... so maybe life will resume a normal course.

I know that I am healing...

... because I didn't cry today. I knew about a teacher who annouced her pregnancy while I was out getting my D&C. Well, today I found out that another teacher in my building is pregnant. I see her daily as she takes students for individual help. She found out 2 days after me (has had a history of m/c) and wanted to wait until she was well into the second trimester. I guess people didn't tell me for a while to be respectful of my situation. Our EDD were a day apart. I noticed today... she has a little belly. I almost cried in the meeting when my boss was announcing these pregancies. Her first daughter and my daughter are two days apart, also. I feel like crying now... and I might have a good cry today, but I guess I am just ready to be moving on. I really feel like this might be the month... but I don't want to get my hopes up to be crushed by a BigFatNo in a couple weeks. I just feel a little cheated that I have do the whole first trimester over again. For goodness sakes, I am suppose to be 16 weeks pregnant and finding out the gender in the next month or so. But everything happens for a reason, I know... it still just sucks.

Bring it on 2008!

So today is the beginning of a brand new year. What a great thing. Put the old behind and get ready for the new. I feel like it is a time to purge and makeover. I have experienced the beginnings of an inside/heart makeover and now I am ready for the exterior to match the interior. I decided to throw away/donate some of the old clothes that I never wear. I wish in some ways that I was Brooke, because she is forced to touch everything in her home and decided if it is worth moving. If I were doing it today, there would be a lot I could live without. I am trying to get the home in working order to make it easier through the weeks to come. This is a hard task with a two year old, because she thinks everything is worth a least 5 minutes of her attention. I started earlier in the week putting her toys in her room- but she keeps bringing them out into the den. Then I went through the pile of "junk" mail and bills, I was able to clean off the build in desk in the kitchen. I am steadily getting laundry washed, folded and put away. Now it is time to tackle the dreaded "everything room". This is our third bedroom that is used as a catch all room. I am definately going to get it finished today. Then I am going to load up all the trash and take it up to the office dumpster. I am finally ready to comb through it all. Only one more day of vacation-- so I best get crackin'!