Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

I am about to dump a whole lot of information from my head.  My heart is in a mode of preparation and I am pretty sure that I have wrecked myself-- looking for eternal things and outweighing those troubles.  So the following may include incomplete sentences, incomplete thoughts, some light stuff, some heavy stuff...

You have been warned.

I -- notice a capital i--made a decision to pursue a position working in Tulsa two days a week this summer.  Voluntary work while I finish my degree.  The Lord shut that door.  I am glad.  It has been very difficult to consider a career change.  In Dec. 2013, I will (most likely) graduate with my Master's in counseling and will be able to pursue my LPC license.  I will not be going back to teaching in the public school system.  Hard words for someone who has taught 11 years.  My plans as of now are in the Lord's hands and he hasn't shown me the full picture.  So in this time of recovery, I am in a state of preparation.  I happened up on a book by Jen Hatmaker called 7. I will be cutting out excess over the next few months.  It will begin with clothes.  Jen totally wore only 7 clothes.  I will be cutting out most of my wardrobe in order to focus more on simpler things, less pride and more God. 

I am going to be studying Ephesians.  Not sure what to expect.  I ask that the Lord speak to me and my family through this time of transition. 

Also, I have been having massive pain in my stomach. This is likely a side effect of bulimia.  Possibly an ulcer- who knows?  I am in process of cutting out wheat to see if that might be a solution.  I am terrified that cutting coffee might be the cure. I am sure the Lord will speak to that in the coming months.

Money.  We have some.  We have more than we need. We spend it.  We need to spend less, save more, give more, pay off more.  Dave Ramsey might need to be my friend.  My husband will faint when he hears this.  Again...I am sure this will be dealt with in the coming months as well. 

The road ahead is unclear.  I am keeping on the path. 

This day

I haven't posted in a while.  Most of my time is spent working, cleaning, cooking, chasing toddlers, and going to school.  But this Thanksgiving morning  I awoke to a swarm of thoughts.  It has been 5 years since we lost out little baby at 11 weeks gestation.  I can't even really imagine the life we would have different, but I am so very thankful for the life we live.  I am not dwelling on the one we are missing. Today I am thankful for the 1000+ gifts I will encounter- the sunrise, the warm weather, the family, the friends, the hospital staff, for birthdays, medicine, the food, the lights, the warmth of family, the love, games, sweets, for bikes, and technology, health care, glasses, electricity, my clean- but will be wrecked after the twins awake home, independence, diapers, wipes, toilets, and countless other small wonders that make my life complete.  This day I am most thankful to a God with mercy and grace who loves me where I am- where I will be- and every breath in between.

E-mealz.com

I am loving this meal plan.  I chose a plan for my store and get a detailed list for dinner.

100 Burpee Challenge

I decided to start something a little crazy – the 100 Burpee Challenge! If you don’t know what that is here’s a quick explanation: Starting on day one, do one burpee. On day two, do two burpees and so on. Do this for 100 days in a row. So on the 100^th day you’ll do 100 burpees. When you complete the challenge you will have done a total of 5050 burpees! Here’s the kicker though. If you miss a day, you have to make it up the following day. So if you miss day 60, on day 61 you have to do 60 burpees and 61 burpees. I told you this was a little crazy.

What is a Burpee?
Burpee is an exercise that will work your legs, arms, chest and core all at the same time. It truly is a full body exercise that you can do anywhere. Start out standing straight up. Then squat down and place your hands on the ground. Kick your feet back so that you are in a plank position keeping as straight as possible. Next, perform a standard push-up touching both your chest and thighs to the floor. Return to the plank position and jump your feet back so that you are in the squat position again. Finally, jump into the air and clap your hands over your head. Repeat until you are tired.

Also, I am starting the Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet.  Really this is going to become a new eating plan for my life.  I am having some issues with the insulin resistance and PCOS so this is the healthiest fix for that.  During my recovery from an eating disorder, I have been careful not to stress myself with worrying about a specific eating plan.  But now it is time to start working hard at this.  My sister's wedding is in June and I don't want to take away from her day by my size.

So join me in the 100 burpee challenge on Facebook.  It starts with one...and anyone can do that.  It will  be challenging and such an accomplishment.

It's Fall Ya'll

The days are getting shorter and the nights are getting chilly.  The firepit has been lit a time or two and I am so excited for our upcoming visit to the Corn Maze.    It's fall and it's my favorite time of the year.  I am hoping to take some pictures at the pumpkin patch this week. 

Tonight we are trying a new dish...I don't even know it's name, but it is SUPER easy and I am hopign SUPER good


a bag of frozen chicken
a can of rotel
a can of drained corn
a can of drained and rinsed black beans
regular cream cheese (8oz)

Cook in crock pot for 6-8 hours on low.  Serve over rice or on tortillas

Has it been six weeks?

I didn't realize that it has been six weeks since I last entered a post.  That is way to long, friends.

Life has been busy.  With one year old twins and a summer vacation for the 1st grader I work had at getting some "me" time.  I also got this crazy notion to go back to school.  I have debated what the next phase of life would look like.  I felt like I was needing to move.  God prompting me to do something, but I haven't been comfortable to give my resignation and just go with it.  I started attending classes for graduate school.   I intend to receive a Master's of Counseling, for LPC.  Which means eventually I will have an office with a couch and help people.  I am torn as to the type of counseling I would like to practice.  I see a huge need in my area for an eating disorder clinic, but would also enjoy  to continue working with kids with special needs and families. 

This week we are hosting our friends son since they are away...which means THREE one year olds toddling around the house.

Monday- we had a low key day.  Played outside with the big and littles and then they all took baths.  I went to class in the afternoon while 2 littles slept.

Tuesday- No class today.  All the littles stayed in pjs and we played lots of inside games.  We read books, watched Baby Einstein and had Popsicles.

Wednesday- We took the big and one little to the park for Mcd's lunch.  The other littles slept at home while my mom came to sit with them. 

Thursday- Thursday started kind of crappy.  Literally.  One little removed his diaper and dropped poop "neatballs (evy's words)" on the floor.  Then another little leaked poop on my clothes.  So...I had to do a total cleaning of the floors.  I figured if I had to get out the cleaner for the nursery, I Michael ventured out and took one little and one big to Leonardo's for some water and museum fun.  I went to class and mom watch two littles.  Later I took the boys to the grocery store- we needed milk and bread.  He took the girls to the movie store.  Then we ALL went and ate chinese food.  I know it was insane, but we took 3 adults and 4 kids out to dinner.

Today....we don't have much plans.  I think the big is going to the movie tonight...should be fun.

Mother's Day

I have thought all day about some awesome acrostic poem I could write that would do this whole day justice.  I can't really thing of the right words to spell M-O-T-H-E-R and give it the right amount of meaning.  Life with a mom or as a mom is more than 7 words. 

This morning was a busy day.  I have dreamed/hoped for the last month that today would be celebrated with my children on their best behaviors, no crying, no arguing.   I could sleep late and eat breakfast in bed.  My family would have gifts and chocolate. I would be able to sit in my chair and not change diapers or fix meals...just be still and adored.  But the job of a mom isn't that.  It is not adorable.  I am sure that deep down the kids will/do appreciate what I do, but it is my job as the mom.  It is expected.  I signed up for it- well most of it anyway.

This morning I cleaned out the van to get ready to go on our quick trip, adjusted a car seat, cooked the food for lunch, loaded the diaper bags, packed the MD presents and essential trip items, woke the kids, got them bathed, dressed, and  fed.  Did a load of laundry, started a load of dishes, swept the floor and got ready for church- all by myself.  I also woke up Michael, helped find his clothes...and grabbed a cup of coffee and banana as I loaded the kiddos in the car 25 minutes before church started hoping to stop for gas on the way. I manged to scarf down my banana during the offering. 

It was the same as any other Sunday.  I was blessed to sit next to my oldest daughter and worship the Lord.  As I dressed this morning, I wore the earrings that my sweet MIL helped her pick out for my present this year.  I wore two necklaces...one representing my three children living and the one that reminds me of the sweet one in heaven.  Boy today I missed that fourth child.  I caught myself thinking about how blessed I was as they all three took a bath together...stair step of heights in the bath.  I thought that I closed my eyes yesterday...and time flew past.  I couldn't help but wonder what liveliness that fourth little babe would bring to our hectic schedule.  The thoughts of that sweet babe didn't linger long...I pushed them away, enjoying my blessing and thanking God that sweet (but greatly missed) babe is spending eternity with Him. 

The rest of the day was spent eating and talking with my mom and sisters and family.  We listened to screaming kids laughing as they played in the water.  We hugged Madelyn as she is terrified of dogs and kept each one safe.  The played with balls and dressed up...we listened to stories and laughed.  We shopped.  We talked sports and politics.  We changed diapers, played on the floor, cleaned up messes.  We learn each day to appreciate the hard work that our Mom did years ago.  I hope that she sees us as good moms and knows that she is the reason for our success!

This afternoon, I couldn't help but smile as I fetched the babies bottles...today was one of the best days I have had in a while!  Oh how I wish it could last just a little longer....

I work 24 hours a day. I am a mom... I am an alarm clock. a cook. a maid. a teacher. a nanny. a nurse. a handyman. a security officer. a photographer. a counselor. a taxi driver.  an ATM. a jungle gym. a comforter. I don't get holidays, sick pay or days off. I work through the DAY & NIGHT. I am on call at ALL hours & I get paid in hugs & kisses-
and it is all worth it!!!