In this crazy world it is nice to take some time and just thank God for who he is. My sister pointed out to me that time in prayer is usually spent quickly acknowledging God, thanking him briefly, confessing a little, and then asking alot.
This week I am trying to spend some time (on my face) acknowledging Him and will surely be thanking him with almost every breath. After all, doesn't He deserve it?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
The Waiting Game
For me waiting until "Monday" is much like a kid waiting in line to pay for a totally cool, rideculously awesome toy they found. Not sure if they have enough money to really make the purchase complete, they anticipate with great anxed the ability to take it home. They have patience as the person before them scans their thousands of tiny items as the seconds slowly tick past but the excitement rises and falls as they wait. They want to play so badly, they can vision themselves happy and having such fun, but they still must wait. Eventually it will become their turn and they will get the news-whether they like the news or not-but until then they must wait!
I am really not sure what the results will say on Monday. My MIL says she is sure it is positive and there are "babies" not just "baby" because I am glowing. My cranky attitude could really be taken either way. I did have a dream about a doctor calling me to tell me good news. So I continue to wait.
I am really not sure what the results will say on Monday. My MIL says she is sure it is positive and there are "babies" not just "baby" because I am glowing. My cranky attitude could really be taken either way. I did have a dream about a doctor calling me to tell me good news. So I continue to wait.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Mom to Mom
I came this morning to write at "Not Me" Monday post, but once I opened my dashboard another post became more important. Missy over at It's almost Naptime had a great Mom to Mom question. Had do you talk to a person going through infertility? Especially when you have not experienced it and have several kids?
Infertility is such a hard ordeal to go through. For those of you, like Missy and Hilary it is easy to get pregnant and not a lot of thought goes into the process. For others it is a long, meticulous, grueling battle of body, emotions, prayer and usually doctors.
I think for me as a fertily challenged women is the feeling that swirl though my head of not being able to do the job that I was created to do. Looking back through Genesis, Eve was created as a help mate for man and to have babies. I can't do that easily. So, usually I feel like less of a woman because my parts don't work right.
Another hard aspect is watching people with kids (who don't want them) There are many families who have been blessed with children who display characteristics that make you (as an infertile women) yearn to be like them...then there are others who you think didn't deserve their kids as they yell and hit them in public. This is the hardest part for me.
Having a conversation with a women who is going through this is difficult, because while you want to say the right thing to make her feel better-often we just want someone to listen. The truth of the matter is words don't make it feel better-actions do. You have to find a way to love on that lady through her language of love. For me, that would be flowers to tell me you thought about me on an annivarsary date of my miscarriage. Or bring up some converstation we had concerning a meaningful point...
The main thing is start praying for healing for her heart. Loss of a child through miscarriage is one of the most devestating things...for me it was more hurtful than the process of infertility. When you invest so much time, money and emotion every 28-32 days trying to accomplish the goal of pregnancy. You are overjoyed when it happens! You start planning things-dreaming about what the future will hold- and then if it is taken away it is literally like a death. But often miscarriage is not accepted as death of a child because you hadn't met or held them...oh but you have in your heart.
Infertility is such a hard ordeal to go through. For those of you, like Missy and Hilary it is easy to get pregnant and not a lot of thought goes into the process. For others it is a long, meticulous, grueling battle of body, emotions, prayer and usually doctors.
I think for me as a fertily challenged women is the feeling that swirl though my head of not being able to do the job that I was created to do. Looking back through Genesis, Eve was created as a help mate for man and to have babies. I can't do that easily. So, usually I feel like less of a woman because my parts don't work right.
Another hard aspect is watching people with kids (who don't want them) There are many families who have been blessed with children who display characteristics that make you (as an infertile women) yearn to be like them...then there are others who you think didn't deserve their kids as they yell and hit them in public. This is the hardest part for me.
Having a conversation with a women who is going through this is difficult, because while you want to say the right thing to make her feel better-often we just want someone to listen. The truth of the matter is words don't make it feel better-actions do. You have to find a way to love on that lady through her language of love. For me, that would be flowers to tell me you thought about me on an annivarsary date of my miscarriage. Or bring up some converstation we had concerning a meaningful point...
The main thing is start praying for healing for her heart. Loss of a child through miscarriage is one of the most devestating things...for me it was more hurtful than the process of infertility. When you invest so much time, money and emotion every 28-32 days trying to accomplish the goal of pregnancy. You are overjoyed when it happens! You start planning things-dreaming about what the future will hold- and then if it is taken away it is literally like a death. But often miscarriage is not accepted as death of a child because you hadn't met or held them...oh but you have in your heart.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Psalm 130
Out of the depths I call to You, Yahweh!
Adonai, listen to my voice, let Your ears be atten-
tive to my cry for help
Anodai, if you considered sings, Yahweh, who could
stand?
But with You there is forgivensss, so that You
may be revered.
I wait for thee Yahweh, I wait and put my hope
in Your Word.
I wait for thee Yahweh more than watchemen
for the morning-more than watchmen
for the morning.
Isreal, put your hop in Yahweh. For there is
faithful love with Yahweh and with Him
redemption in abuldance.
And He will redeem Isreal fro all its sins.
Adonai, listen to my voice, let Your ears be atten-
tive to my cry for help
Anodai, if you considered sings, Yahweh, who could
stand?
But with You there is forgivensss, so that You
may be revered.
I wait for thee Yahweh, I wait and put my hope
in Your Word.
I wait for thee Yahweh more than watchemen
for the morning-more than watchmen
for the morning.
Isreal, put your hop in Yahweh. For there is
faithful love with Yahweh and with Him
redemption in abuldance.
And He will redeem Isreal fro all its sins.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Monday again!
Yeah! It is Monday! The beginning of a new week! My first whole week back at school for the 09-10 year. Can you see I am trying to be positive about it! I thought I would celebrate it with a Not Me Monday!
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
This week has been quite eventful. Two trips to the doctors office, my father-in-law admitted, released and re-admitted to the hospital, and starting school was all in the mix.
In truth we are still recovering from Evy's Fancy Nancy b-day party. I just now finally got the table cloth taken off. It was Not me! who stapled it to the table to be sure it all stayed in it's beautiful place. After the party, rest assured that I had everything immediately cleaned up. We are good people. It is havNot Me! who let orange slices rest in the punch bowl because I am too tired, lazy, or full-minded to remember to wash the punch bowl. And it is also Not Me who is in desperate need of mopping the floor-that must be my neighbor ya'll! And it is Not Me! who wants to keep the tissue paper pom-poms hanging in the dining room. I mean pink does compliment green.
It was also Not Me! who hit the garage door with the side mirror of my new car. I wouldn't do that, I definately would be more careful since I didn't already it the garage door once with the mirror and left a huge mark. Thankfully this time there was no evidence-except Evy who "can't tell a lie!"
It was Not Me! who picked out the refrigerator we bought last week only to find that it is TOO big for the spot in our kitchen. It is too tall to fit under the custom (not our custom!) cabinets built above our existing fridge. So...it is Not Me! (and it really wasn't) who decided we would just cut the cabinet instead of purchase the fridge that would fit-because it wasn't worth the money. So tonight Michael will be cutting the cabinet to fit...he'll need some prayers! I am hoping there will be pictoral evidence of this endevor.
Oh...this week Evy got her shots for beginning school. She has been watching me administer my daily Follistem shots in an effort to be brave. I assure you she was definitely brave...oh wait that was in my dream! She gave us a run for our money. It was Not Me!, my mom, and two nurses that held her down while they stuck her with three needles. We counted to 22-probably the longest 22 seconds of her life. And in payback, she was allowed to stick me in the backside at the RE office on Saturday. Thankfully she declined.
In a more serious note, I want to thank those of you who have been praying for us. Michael and I have faced a tough week as the fertility meds began to have an effect on me. I am now feeling better and we are just waiting. In two weeks, I should have some answers. Thanks for your prayers and I am just continuing to believe that this is God's timing-since it was SO perfect and waiting to hear the great news.
Also, Michael's father is recovered from his most serious infection. For a few days he was pretty dazed and confused about the world. He was in a terrible state and we were on our knees for his recovery. He has faced a lot during this illness in the last three years. I really want him around to meet our other child(ren) when they/if they are born. We have been praying for his liver's healing and restoration. Now join me in praying for his anemia to be healed. He leaks blood from his intestines and gets (sometimes weekly, bi-weekly or monthly) transfusions. We would appreciate the prayers for Mike to make a full recovery and once again enjoy life to the fullest-from outside a hospital room!
Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.
This week has been quite eventful. Two trips to the doctors office, my father-in-law admitted, released and re-admitted to the hospital, and starting school was all in the mix.
In truth we are still recovering from Evy's Fancy Nancy b-day party. I just now finally got the table cloth taken off. It was Not me! who stapled it to the table to be sure it all stayed in it's beautiful place. After the party, rest assured that I had everything immediately cleaned up. We are good people. It is havNot Me! who let orange slices rest in the punch bowl because I am too tired, lazy, or full-minded to remember to wash the punch bowl. And it is also Not Me who is in desperate need of mopping the floor-that must be my neighbor ya'll! And it is Not Me! who wants to keep the tissue paper pom-poms hanging in the dining room. I mean pink does compliment green.
It was also Not Me! who hit the garage door with the side mirror of my new car. I wouldn't do that, I definately would be more careful since I didn't already it the garage door once with the mirror and left a huge mark. Thankfully this time there was no evidence-except Evy who "can't tell a lie!"
It was Not Me! who picked out the refrigerator we bought last week only to find that it is TOO big for the spot in our kitchen. It is too tall to fit under the custom (not our custom!) cabinets built above our existing fridge. So...it is Not Me! (and it really wasn't) who decided we would just cut the cabinet instead of purchase the fridge that would fit-because it wasn't worth the money. So tonight Michael will be cutting the cabinet to fit...he'll need some prayers! I am hoping there will be pictoral evidence of this endevor.
Oh...this week Evy got her shots for beginning school. She has been watching me administer my daily Follistem shots in an effort to be brave. I assure you she was definitely brave...oh wait that was in my dream! She gave us a run for our money. It was Not Me!, my mom, and two nurses that held her down while they stuck her with three needles. We counted to 22-probably the longest 22 seconds of her life. And in payback, she was allowed to stick me in the backside at the RE office on Saturday. Thankfully she declined.
In a more serious note, I want to thank those of you who have been praying for us. Michael and I have faced a tough week as the fertility meds began to have an effect on me. I am now feeling better and we are just waiting. In two weeks, I should have some answers. Thanks for your prayers and I am just continuing to believe that this is God's timing-since it was SO perfect and waiting to hear the great news.
Also, Michael's father is recovered from his most serious infection. For a few days he was pretty dazed and confused about the world. He was in a terrible state and we were on our knees for his recovery. He has faced a lot during this illness in the last three years. I really want him around to meet our other child(ren) when they/if they are born. We have been praying for his liver's healing and restoration. Now join me in praying for his anemia to be healed. He leaks blood from his intestines and gets (sometimes weekly, bi-weekly or monthly) transfusions. We would appreciate the prayers for Mike to make a full recovery and once again enjoy life to the fullest-from outside a hospital room!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Summer Sped Past
I can't beleive as I type this that I must be at school in one hour! Summer has flown by faster than the jets buzz past my house. But alas, much has been accomplished.
Just this week alone, I have considered a business adventure, had a great report from the doctor concerning our fertilty med cycle, bought a refridgerator, worked out (and enjoyed it) and cooked dinner using organic veggies from my own garden. I had kind of got out of the cooking dinner habit so it was nice and yummy.
Today my time turns back to the classroom and unfortunately, that means giving up the whole day with Evy. It will nice to be on a schedule again but I sure will miss our cuddling mornings watching TV, picnics at the park, swimming at the pool, watching her learn to ride a bike and meeting Michael anytime I want.
Soon enough we will be back to a new normal-one where Evy attends preschool, dance begins again, church activities resume and cooler weather arrives and perhaps morning sickness as well. Until then I will enjoy the adjustment!
Just this week alone, I have considered a business adventure, had a great report from the doctor concerning our fertilty med cycle, bought a refridgerator, worked out (and enjoyed it) and cooked dinner using organic veggies from my own garden. I had kind of got out of the cooking dinner habit so it was nice and yummy.
Today my time turns back to the classroom and unfortunately, that means giving up the whole day with Evy. It will nice to be on a schedule again but I sure will miss our cuddling mornings watching TV, picnics at the park, swimming at the pool, watching her learn to ride a bike and meeting Michael anytime I want.
Soon enough we will be back to a new normal-one where Evy attends preschool, dance begins again, church activities resume and cooler weather arrives and perhaps morning sickness as well. Until then I will enjoy the adjustment!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Doctors
I woke up this morning with the awesome idea that I would write the doctor that treated my FIL a letter and plead for some help. So, I hopped on the John Hopkins Website and much to my sleepy surprise there are no emails listed. I guess that makes sense now that I am much more awake and alert. I am also kind of bummed.
Yesterday he didn't make it to Evy's party. For the most part she keeps him going, but he is weak and tired. I don't know how much fight is left in him. The doctors are just letting him wither away due to his anemia and bleeding issues. I am often frustrated because he doesn't have an advocate that sticks up, asks questions and pushes the bounds, rather than just letting the doctors decide. Their answer is more units of blood and GI bleed scans that turn up negative. He is not bleeding, yet he is.
There has to be something! So I think I am pleading to Hollywood and his favorite TV show to help...maybe they can find someone to fix him!?!
Yesterday he didn't make it to Evy's party. For the most part she keeps him going, but he is weak and tired. I don't know how much fight is left in him. The doctors are just letting him wither away due to his anemia and bleeding issues. I am often frustrated because he doesn't have an advocate that sticks up, asks questions and pushes the bounds, rather than just letting the doctors decide. Their answer is more units of blood and GI bleed scans that turn up negative. He is not bleeding, yet he is.
There has to be something! So I think I am pleading to Hollywood and his favorite TV show to help...maybe they can find someone to fix him!?!
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